Folks ask me what I’ve learned in a year and it usually comes back to how no guy has impressed me nearly enough to make me keep him around. I usually go back to being happy as a single mom. And the further I go, the more I realize that I’m not sure anyone will ever be worth that changing.
Yes, that’s an eggplant.
So I started watching this show and I thought to myself, “Omg she reminds me of me… a lot…” and then I realized oh my God I’m a Gilmore Girl? I don’t even think the show is on anymore – it’s on Netflix – but there I am, all Gilmore-y. So if you ever wonder what it’s like to talk to me directly, just watch Gilmore Girls and check out Lorelai Gilmore. I’m a slightly less manic version but pretty close when you pull my zip cord. Lol
I was dressing for work this morning and grabbed any ole bra and underwear and realized, “If I were dating someone I would torture myself with finding the matching set.” I then laughed an evil laugh, threw on cute but horribly mismatched, and dressed myself. So yes, Im talking about my underwear. No, I don’t care. And yes, I will eventually find a guy who laughs along side of me when I do post about my underwear.
I loved Calvin & Hobbes when I was little. Somehow I landed on a C&H image the other day and it got me thinking about what I wanted when I was young. I wanted to be a famous author. I started writing a book about a boy wizard, and made new words and a new wizard language. But it became overwhelming and I thought, “This is too much for me, I’m not going to be able to keep track of the new words and what they all mean – I’d have to create a dictionary as well.” It seemed so overwhelming that I gave up. Now… Can you imagine where I’d be in life if I didn’t give up?? I snoozed, I lost.
Martyr Syndrome. It’s what I told friends my mother had. “You’re hurting Mommy’s feelings,” was a popular statement, meant to control me after all else failed. In the last year I’ve purposely studied couples and took mental notes on which seemed genuinely happy. None of the genuinely happy couples contained a martyr. They seemed to respect each other and openly trust the other. And this makes sense considering martyrs almost flaunt their manipulation in the face of their partner. Almost like saying, “I don’t care about you as much as I care about my immaturity. I’m about to control you with guilt, are you strong enough to call my bluff?”
When I was young, I didn’t have the capacity to call my mother’s bluff and tell her to cut the crap. The best I could do was return her favor with passive aggressive comments. Thankfully, years of therapy later gave me the strength to cut both her and toxic boyfriends out of my life. Thanks to her training I knew if the guy felt no guilt acting like a martyr while we dated, it certainly wouldn’t improve after marriage.
My mother had always given me the impression that whomever I date, I had to immediately marry. That there would be no other choice for me. And so I wouldn’t go on a date thinking I just had to get to know the person, I would go on a date under parental pressure that I potentially had to marry the guy. And she made it seem like if I accepted the date, it was because I accepted the person as a whole being and was already contemplating wedding bells. It was suffocating, and yet there I was feeling forced into all-or-nothing relationships. I was never given the opportunity to just date for fun – maybe go out and enjoy myself with somebody who had the same interests as I did. So when these relationships went south I was beating myself up constantly thinking that I should’ve known better. Thankfully, I’ve cut ties with my toxic parents and their pressure for me to get married without even being able to date like a normal female. If you’ve been beating yourself up after a breakup, thinking, “I should’ve known better,” just remember that dating is to get to know somebody. And you’ll never really get to know them unless you date them. So release yourself from the guilt.
You should get tired of looking for in other people, the happiness and satisfaction you should find in yourself. Seek fulfillment through your own achievements. And don’t stop searching for your own personal passion until you find it. When you find it, you’ll know.
Don’t settle, they say. Not a problem when there are no choices in the first place. Both guys and girls go through this – you know what I’m talking about!
I had a sociology teacher in high school that went around the classroom asking people what their bias is. Whenever a student would state their bias, the teacher would rip it apart. So if the student said something like, “I’m biased against fat people,” the teacher would reply with something like, “Well what if your mother was fat?” or “What if a woman with 8 kids – who was dying of cancer – was fat only because of the cancer?” The teacher came over to my desk and asked my bias. “I’m biased against someone who asks people’s opinions then rips apart the answers.” The teacher stared at me for a moment then smiled. “Smartass,” he said, then moved on to the next student.