Hunk o hunk o burning love?

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Cops & Robbers


Life · My List Items · Psychic Moments · To-Do

The Message Long Island Medium Has Given to Me

I’ve been watching Long Island Medium like a manwhore at a strip joint on pay day. I think Theresa Caputo is adorable and quite honestly I’ve had the occasional conversation with dead guys, so I feel for her as well. 

But the thing that hit me the most is that I realized by watching home-based reality shows, I’m learning how other families live. Because my own family’s dynamics was about as disturbing as a fox raising chicks, I find it heartwarming to see Theresa’s family thrive in an atmosphere of overwhelming love (despite the distraction of all the “spirit” hanging around).

Since completely severing my ties with my dysfunctional parents, I feel like life has reatarted with pure sunshine – versus the constant cloud-covered gray nightmare that it had been in the past.

But quite honestly, after so many years of “just trying to survive” in that kind of family atmophsere, I realize now that I’m free, I have no idea what to do with myself since I no longer have to base my goals on anyone else. (Clearly, in a healthy family atmosphere I wouldn’t have been basing my goals on anyone else in the first place…)

I’m going to rewatch the show and gather more ideas of what I do want. While it may not be anything like the skydiving that the Caputos do, it should involve some things I never even considered before… Considering the sky’s the limit…



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Everyone Should Desire to Be Single

Everyone Should Desire to Be Single

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Happy Saturday, all! 


Awards! · Follow Me! · Liebster Award · Life · Memories · Thank you!

Liebster Award!

This post is long overdue! I was nominated for the Liebster Award by How To Ruin A Relationship back in July 2013! Sadly – because I was still new to WordPress as well as being severely Pingback and Notification challenged (and simply because I’m from New York) – the email confused me and my first thought was, “Okay who’s ass do I have to kick?” But I soon realized, with melting heart and warm fuzziness of appreciation and genuine thanks, that I was nominated by an awesome blogger! Thank you! 

Now let’s see if I can follow directions… I am blonde, after all!

The Liebster Award
Nominated by How To Ruin A Relationship You all need to follow this blog; it’s like relationship-remedy porn. Thank you for the nomination! You totally rock!


  • Thank the Liebster Blog presenter who nominated you, with link back to their blog. ( I would have done that anyway! )
  • Answer the 11 questions you were asked and create 11 of your own questions to ask your nominees. ( Okee dokee! )
  • Nominate 11 blogs of your choice: New, old, just-found, following, or you think deserve some notice, and let them know they’ve been nominated!  ( okay! )
  • Show off the Award photo on your blog!  ( Double check! )
  • No tag backs. Meaning, you can’t just re-nominate the person who nominated you.  ( Okay, check! )
  1. Maya Angelou said, “I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way (s)he handles these three things: A rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.” How do you handle all three?
    (Rainy Days: I wear my hair curly instead of blowdrying it straight. This way I can get wet and dirty without guilt!
    Lost Luggage: This happened during my honeymoon, and although I’m now divorced, I’d probably do the same thing I did back then – sit at the bar by the pool, have a drink and wait til the luggage arrives. I’d say get naked if I have to, but that depends on who’s with me…
    Tangled Christmas Tree Lights: Untangle maybe with coffee or a cocktail. 🙂
  2. Greatest regret? (I’d say it was marrying my bipolar, alcoholic ex-husband, but then I wouldn’t have my spectacular 7-year-old son. So I’m going to stay with “Accepting years of psychotic, dysfunctional, negative B.S. from my parents and not making my own decisions.” It seems that the best decisions that I’ve made in life were the complete opposite of what they wanted. *Blog posts to come!
  3. Something you would like to improve about yourself? (The “character” gap on the side of my otherwise fine teeth, the nasty rope-like vein that’s marring my otherwise fantastically, athletically sexy legs, and losing the last 10 pounds. All do-able… Ha ha, I said “do-able.” I’m do-able. LOL…)
  4. Something you’ve done that you never thought you’d ever be able to? (100% disconnect from my completely dysfunctional, toxic parents. I went from a family of 6 to just me, so I feel like an orphan and it’s incredibly difficult to deal with at times. But after many years of mental torture and negativity, I’ve finally found peace and extreme happiness. And, thankfully, I have my son and a sister now and lots of friends and some pretty awesome co-workers as well!)
  5. Better to have loved and lost or to never have loved at all? (The former. We all learn from loving and losing. Sometimes it’s as simple as learning how to kick someone’s ass. Sometimes it’s not so simple – like being the bigger person and just walking away without a word.)
  6. What is your dream career/job? (Are you currently doing it?) (I want to own my own successful business. At the time I originally wrote this award post, I was actually in the middle of forming a business with two partners, but it dissolved when I declined to go to dinner with one of the partners… anyone want to hear about it? Lol)
  7. Song you just can’t get enough of right now? (At the time I received this nomination, it was Beautiful – Mariah Carey ft. Miguel… On a positive note about the song, it was nice to hear Mariah not doing exhausting vocal acrobatics. Lately I’ve been listening to Ed Sheeran’s “Sing” and… oh hell… here’s a screen shot of the songs I’ve been listening to on iTunes…  )
  8. If you had known then what you know now… (This has a lot to do with regrets, and as much as I’d like to avoid some of the B.S. that I’ve been through in my life, I learned so many lessons from all of it as well. I just wouldn’t be the same person today without the struggles. Sappy… Okay… How about this: If I knew all that Viagra Empanada at Empanada Mama on 9th Ave. was that many calories, I would have gone for the salad.)
  9. Book that literally changed your life? (There are two: Sherry Argov’s “Why Men Love Bitches” and “He’s Just Not That Into You,” by by Greg Behrendt  and Liz Tuccillo. I’ve mentioned these books a few times in this blog. Sherry does a brilliant job of interviewing hundreds of men for the book so the information is straight from the source. It’s like being inside a guy’s brain. And Greg & Liz cut to the chase in their book. I think too many women – and sometimes men – allow themselves to live in denial. This book cuts the cloud of B.S. and gets to the point.)
  10. Most meaningful piece of advice you were ever given in life/love? (As my boss yelled at me for something I didn’t do, he said, “The rules are different for everyone. They shouldn’t be, but they are.” I’ll carry that with me everywhere because I was raised with siblings and the belief that everything had to be fair. But it’s not and never will be. )
  11. Were you a bad pick or bad picker in your relationships? (Clearly my “Picker” is broken – hence this blog – but I’m working on it and have made huge improvements.)


And now…

Without further adieu, I present my nominees for the Liebster Award (and don’t forget your questions, they are listed below).

  1. The Funtasian
  2. Valley Girl Gone Country
  3. Sex & The Cincy
  4. Cross Stitch Bobobitch Mononitch
  5. hart Chronicles
  6. Yup she said it
  7. Happily Ever Laughter Blog
  8. Mademoiselle (Making It Happen)
  9. Aussa Lorens. Hacker. Ninja. Hooker. Spy.
  10. Girl Seule (The ‘S’ Word)
  11. The Rules Revisited

Here are your questions! 

1.) What motivated you to start your blog?

2.) What draws your attention on other’s blogs?

3.) Compare yourself to an ice cream flavor.

4.) Name a memorable moment while dating.

5.) Briefly describe a memorable breakup in your dating career.

6.) What age would you guess the blogger, 1YearOfSingle is? Why?

7.) On what other social media sites is your blog – where else can we find you?

8.) Give us your best dating tip:

9.) Name five of your favorite stores.

10.) What celebrity(ies) do you think you’re similar to and why?

11.) What do you think about fresh breath?


Here are the same questions with my answers!

1.) What motivated you to start your blog?

I was aimlessly dating for years when I realized I really need to get to know myself better before I look for a partner. Being single allows me to feel guilt-free while I explore my own wants and needs, because after dealing with my parents for decades, I was under the false impression that marrying was mandatory. Logically I knew that was untrue, but preconditioning is a tough thing to beat. And chronicling my revelations is just a way of sorting ideas as well as helping other folks who may have felt alone in their lives.

2.) What draws your attention on other’s blogs?

I have a degree in journalism, so it’s always the headline for me. And its got to be something worth reading. A revelation, advice, news – things like that.

3.) Describe yourself to an ice cream flavor and we’ll guess the flavor.

I’m richly roasted, blended with subtle hints of nostalgic creamy history, sometimes dressed with syrupy sweetness, occasionally revealing a chip. But I almost always leave you energized and motivated afterward.

4.) Name a memorable moment while dating.

After leaving the restaurant with my date, he stopped me before the car and said, “Here,” and handed me a cloth napkin from our table. He added, “You can keep it as a token of our first date together.” I laughed nervously but declined. He then added, “Keep it or I’ll beat the shit out of you.” Yeah. Needless to say I didn’t keep the napkin nor him.

5.) Briefly describe a memorable breakup in your dating career.

One guy tried to maneuver himself into staying overnight at my place by dropping his keys into a sewer. “Oh well,” he said, “I’ll just have to stay here tonight because my keys are at least 20 feet down…” In no way did I want him to stay over. I straightened three wire hangers, twisted them together, then — using a flash light — lowered them skillfully into the sewer, hooked his keys and brought them to safety. I then  flipped the keys to him and bid him a Good Life.

6.) What age would you guess the blogger, 1YearOfSingle is? Why?

I can’t tell you that! It’s an anonymous blog! You’re only supposed to know I’m a blonde New Yorker. 

7.) On what other social media sites is your blog – where else can we find you?

InstagramTwitter, Facebook (not used really) Pinterest & Flickr

8.) Give us your best dating tip(s):

Retain your own interests and personality. Speak up. Be partners. Be a team – always.

9.) Name 10 of your favorite stores.

Banana Republic. Whole Foods. Victoria’s Secret. Athleta. Target. Pier 1 Imports. B&H Photo. Venus. Pottery Barn. Starbucks.

10.) What celebrity(ies) do you think you’re similar to and why?

A cross between Jennifer Anniston & Jenny McCarthy. For style, and personalities, including serious & silliness.

11.) What do you think about fresh breath?

Totally mandatory. If a guy can’t take care of his teeth, it’s a display of other issues. And it reeks. No one wants to tongue tango a trash can or ash tray.
There you have it! I look forward to everyone’s posts. Hopefully yours will be up sooner than mine were! LOL
Congratulations, everyone!



I’ve Been Nominated! Liebster Award

Page post to come! Whoot whoot!

Alcoholics · Being Single · Dating · Dysfunctional · Dysfunctional Mother · Life · Marriage · Memories · Parents · Red Flags · Relationships · The Evacuation

12 Lessons I Learned From My Ex-Men

Lately I’ve been wondering exactly how many life lessons I have to learn before I’m rewarded. If you compare life to school, we should get payouts every few weeks or so. But unfortunately life isn’t the same as school. Can you imagine paying tuition, attending classes and studying for a final exam without ever receiving a final grade, or worse — a diploma? And yet that’s what life offers us: Endless exams without the benefit of a final review.

For some, a lack of final review offers a comforting sigh of relief. But for Capricorns such as myself, it’s like fully stretching a rubber band without ever allowing the Snap!

Considering the lack of Snap!, I started reviewing previous relationships and constructed a list that I could consider Lessons Learned, hoping it’ll soon produce a positive payout. They are:

1.) Innocent Faces Don’t Represent the Innocent 
I dated one guy who I would consider an “All American Pie Boy.” His visual presentation stirred mental images of warm apple pies sitting on window sills while young boys play baseball in woolen trousers all across midwestern Americana. Safe, comforting and honest.

Unfortunately his outer presentation of honesty and integrity belied his deep-seeded affection for a toxic relationship. Thankfully I wasn’t the toxic relationship – but that in itself was a problem. I spent close to a year watching him implode, addicted to an unstable ex with whom he continually played childish mind and manipulation games like they never left high school. It was exhausting and I thankfully realized after connecting too many dots that he was already spinning a web of lies for me. I cut him loose.

2.) Couples Breakup For A Reason
I was like the fly that repeatedly smacked against the same spot on the window pane, hoping for better results with each head whack. Giving men multiple chances has been one of the stupidest repeated mistakes in my dating career. Cheaters, liars, alcoholics. The one lesson I’ve learned: What they had no problem doing once, they did again. There’s a reason why phrases like “Zebras don’t change their stripes,” “Leopards don’t change their spots” and “History repeats itself,” exist.

3.) They Don’t Automatically Know Better
If you’ve read “How My Mother Made Me Desperate,” you’ll understand the devaluing of my intelligence by my parents and how it caused me to question all my decisions. This, in turn, caused me to rely heavily on the opinions of the men I dated — alcoholics and all. Thankfully, because of praise from countless teachers and coaches, I was able to grab hold of the glimmer of hope in myself, get therapy, and eventually see that most of the putzes that I dated were even less informed than I was. I realized I replaced my parents with men — or even friends — allowing them to approve of my choices or tell me how to live my life based on the little facts that I was willing to relay.

4.) Dating Exists so We Can Get to Know Someone
My mother had a way of making me feel like I always had to take any offer that was given. From colleges to jobs to men. And not only did I have to consider the “generous” offer to date, but I also had to consider it may be my only option to wed, as well. I wasn’t taught to go on dates as a casual way of getting to know someone. It was subtly and continuously drilled into me that if I accepted one date, I was locked-in. So if I said yes to the first date, there was already talk by my mother of life integration.

Half the time this sent me running from the good guys — primarily because I wasn’t ready to marry. So I spent years distracting myself with sub-par men out of fear. And since I was brainwashed to believe I wasn’t worth a good man and that he’d eventually cheat, I grew to believe I also couldn’t handle one and was drawn more toward the not-so-good man. Unfortunately in doing so I learned:

5.) Ugly Slobs Screw Up Too
There’s a misnomer that ugly men treat women better because they’re so appreciative of having a good woman. Not so.

In a futile effort to impress my dysfunctional, negative parents, I gained countless scholastic and athletic awards and accolades. But after years of unsuccessful attempts to impress them — due to the changing tides of their expectations — I was still unable to extract the proper parental love based on my own merits. It was at this point that I gave up and accepted being offered-up like a sacrificial lamb to the (alcoholic) son of my parents’ friends. I was exhausted waiting for the right guy to come along.

“At least if he’s not really put-together — no one else will want him and he won’t cheat,” I found myself thinking, not even realizing that he was a serious alcoholic. My thought process focused on my mother’s insistence that all men eventually cheat. Pathetic, I’ll admit. But when you’re riding someone else’s train to Crazy Town you don’t really take full inventory of the passengers. And so I wed.

Four years later I left him, ala Sleeping With the Enemy style. And to this day I feel like I was never a bride, never married and never lived through a honeymoon phase. What I did live through was toxic and terrifying, but without it I would never have awoken to a few much-needed, life altering revelations.

6.) Good Guys Can’t Handle My History & Bad Guys Try to Compete
This is by far the most difficult thing I’ve discovered in the last few years, and I’m hoping that it was only because of how I introduced my history into relationships that sent the good guys running.

I’ve known many good guys in my life. I’ve been in love with them and they loved me. But at those times, because of the mental torment from my parents, I couldn’t handle dating. I’d either retreat completely or reveal too much too soon, thereby overloading them with grisly facts about my home life. They couldn’t handle it because they had never been exposed to that type of dysfunction. Total overload.

In contrast, psychopaths had no problem hearing the dysfunctional details of my life and sometimes even attempted to extend an honest hand of help. Unfortunately their own demons eventually surfaced and we’d always be left in a proverbial “Who’s Life Is Worse” match.

To this day I’m not sure where that leaves me — other than that I need to be friends with someone before dating. But at least I’m now aware.

7.) I Need to Acknowledge My Good Decisions and Stick to Them
Alcoholics. Thieves. Druggies. Cheaters. Thankfully after years of praying and practice I’ve gotten better at accepting the things I can not change, changing the things I can, and recognizing the difference. Ironically most of my bad decisions were second-guesses brought on by parental pre-conditioning. The good decisions? I’m finally starting to roll around in those — beginning with the choice to leave my alcoholic husband without telling my mother of the plan.

8.) Only I Know the Whole Story
After years of being taught that I couldn’t make a correct decision on my own, I started to believe that I couldn’t date on my own as well. And it opened the floodgates for both solicited and unsolicited advice in relationships. Only I knew all the details of situations, but I continually asked for advice from friends. This changed drastically the moment I decided to cut my mother from The Evacuation plans. It was the best decision I ever made.

9.) Compatibility is Always Important
I’ve dated everything from suits to surfers. It took a few years to realize I leaned more toward the “suit who wouldn’t mind surfing,” type of guy, but before that ever happened I was testing the waters in all things coastal.

It’s funny what can happen after graduating college. I went from being well-known in a school of 16 thousand students to a small group of my friends. And because of their new careers and availabilities — and my unwillingness to venture out alone — the pool of potential boyfriends dried up like a maple leaf on a sunny fall day.

Enter one dorky surf guy looking for direction and you’ve entered my alternate dating universe. It was only after we broke up and he kept giving me pitiful looks that I realized I never really wanted to marry the guy anyway. We were ridiculously incompatible. He had no direction, no backbone nor the mental capacity to earn himself either one. I didn’t realize I needed more of a suit — not someone who folds under pressure like a wet Baja Hoodie.

You’d think the major incompatibilities I found in this one fried fellow would deter me from a few more years of aimlessly dating in the wrong genre, but it didn’t. With my mother constantly introducing me as “The last one left [to get married],” and subtly devaluing my personal accomplishments, it’s no wonder I was ready to form a lifelong partnership with just about anyone remotely tolerable.

But dating someone who’s incompatible is like trying to blend oil and water. Only after disowning my mother and starting a year free from dating did I finally accept that dating is just a way to get to know someone, and if you find yourself incompatible, you can go your separate  ways. And most importantly — it’s not an absolutely mandatory part of life.

10.) If He’s More Interested in His Toxic Ex, She Can Have Him
“You can’t save everyone,” I’ve been told multiple times. I’ve witnessed countless men (and women) try to please dysfunctional partners and in the end they always — always — breakup. Whether it takes a few weeks or the couple is able to drag it out to 20 years.

Because no one tried to save me from the toxic relationship with my mother, I feel compelled to help men who had toxic relationships with their ex. I literally thought if they had a good love, it would turn on a light and they’d not only realize, but be strong enough to save themselves. Ridiculous.

They don’t want to be saved. I’m floored by the countless excuses men make in order to stay with someone who’s destroying both their physical and mental health. And what makes it more difficult for me is knowing that their future guarantees one of two things: the end of their relationship anyway, or the end of their life. Instead of seeking happiness, love, peace and partnership, they’re willing to go to the grave in misery. These men  literally do not want to be happy because they choose suffering over love. You can’t save a masochist.

11.) Love Only Works If Both Parties Want a Partnership
I’ve lived at both ends of this spectrum and can attest to how good a relationship can be if both people continually work to keep the relationship a partnership. And yes, this does incorporate respect. Someone who “allows” you to do something isn’t respecting you just as you’re not garnering respect by constantly seeking someone’s authoritative approval.

12.) The First 3-12 Months of Dating is The Honeymoon Phase 
If he can’t pull it out for you during the honeymoon phase (no pun intended!) then the relationship is not worth keeping. Men will work for women they love and if they love them enough it won’t be work. So if you feel like you’re sucking a relationship out of a man (no pun intended!) it’s time to call it quits.

How awesome would it be if life was like the Nickleback song, “Saving Me,” but instead of a death ticker floating over your head, it’s a When You’re Lessons Will Start Paying Off ticker?

Or maybe they are already and we just don’t know it…



Examples of the Results of Positive Thinking & Envisioning · Follow Me! · Recommendations · Red Flags · Relationships

5 Reasons Why I Stopped Writing Purely Negative Posts

The Law of Attraction states that what you think about (repeatedly, with emotion) you bring about. Which basically means that what you’ve been motivated to concentrate on is the thing that will manifest in your life. So if you’re horrified about all your debt and frantically want to reduce your debt, you’ll end up getting more debt. Why? Because “debt” is on your mind 24/7. As they said in the movie “The Secret,” if you want to get out of debt, put your bills on auto pay and concentrate on prosperity. 

The same is true for everything else in your life, including dating. Using the Law of Attraction, if you constantly think, “There are no available good men/women in the world,” the universe – acting like the wish-granting genie from the lantern – will grant you that wish: “No available good men/women.” After all, your wish is its command. The uniserse doesn’t translate and wish-grant your passive-aggressive challenge – it sticks to the literal.

Knowing this and the affect it’s had on my life, I’ve most recently avoided both reading and writing negative posts. It’s one thing if the post is helpful, but it’s quite another if the entire site is a swirling, self-indulgent, pity sucking vortex. If there’s no helpful meaning to the post and I feel an ominous gray cloud gathering, I pass. In the same vein, I’ve started rethinking, repurposing and rewriting my blog posts.

Here are a few reasons why:

1.) Representation
“I’m so tired of drama!” I’d be surprised if any one of you have never heard or felt that sentiment. And yet here we are, rolling around in it like we’ve been dipped in flour batter and are about to be fried. If we dislike negativity so much and are so adverse to it, then why spend so much time on it? (Same can be true when spending time with spouses we despise, but thats another post.)

A continual string of negative, self-indulgent pity posts makes me look bad. It casts a gray, cranky cloud over my sparkling, golden reputatuon and makes me look like “that girl who’s always complaining,” which is not a good representation of who I really am, nor who I want to be. It doesn’t matter that this site is just a condensed view of my and other daters’ lives. If there are no helpful twists, it’s just a pity party. And who really wants to attend a party without a twist?

2.) Like Attracts Like: Positive to Positive. Negative to Negative.
Ever notice when you’re in a bad mood, all the badasses slap you on the back and cheer you on? It’s like all the negative folks are investing in your bad mood in order to fulfill the “misery likes company” theory. If you want to be happy, why spend so much time investing in your crappy mood? If you want to be happy you have to man-up; cut loose the bad attitude and accept happiness. 

Within the last year I’ve been making a conscious effort to stay away from negative people, but in order to do that I’ve had to literally walk away from some folks. Now, knowing what I have to do to stay happy, I can’t even stomach hearing or being around negative people, and that has steered me in the direction of offering positive posts instead of negative posts.

3.) It Sounds Like Endless Whining
Writing a string of endless negative posts is exhausting, and quite frankly I think to myself, “I could be pouring this much attention into a solution.” Many of us at some point have had someone shout, “If you don’t like it, do something about it!” So while posting a negative kickoff statement may be helpful to set the stage, it’s rarely helpful if it becomes the entire play. Recently, instead of an entire post, I’ve chosen to dedicate some space to solutions to what are turning out to be popular dating issues. 

4.) It’s Not Helping Anyone
So yes, blathering on about misfortune doesnt help anyone. It’s like putting on a one-man play about myself. I’d rather offer my experiences with a few insights in hopes that other folks can avoid the same heartaches. 

5.) It’s Not Unique
Everbody falls victim to a DoucheLord or Lady at one point or another. It’s just life. That factoid makes my self-indulgent blathering even more obsolete. I may not be a therapist, but I lived and I’m hoping my unique personal background and experiences could help a few of you. 



Gyms should cre…

Gyms should create a workout circuit called, “the Breakup Recovery Workout,” complete with boxing session.

© 1 Year Of Single 




Playing soccer …

Playing soccer in the rain is only fun if you have a margarita waiting.


6-Pack vs. Insulated Coolers


This makes me want to workout more. Lol

Being Single · Life

Mature Men Can Handle Hellos (Single Girl Problems)

I passed another employee in the hall today and like I do with everyone, I said, “Hello.” He stared at me and walked by. I know nothing about him other than he works in the next department over, so I found it slightly amusing and wondered if he thinks I was hitting on him with my hello, considering I saw him a week prior with a girl.

I hate to burst his bubble, but he’s not my style and I’m pretty sure he couldn’t handle me even if I was trying to hit on him.

I love men who are able to handle simple things like a “hello” in the hallway. The guy I once called “The Love of My Life” would have simply said, “Hello” – no matter who it was – and kept walking. But he was mature. Not so sure this guy is. Thankfully my only intention was to be polite.


33 Things Males Seem To Not Understand, Because Male Privilege