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Omg I’m Lorelai Gilmore…

IMG_9816.JPGSo I started watching this show and I thought to myself, “Omg she reminds me of me… a lot…” and then I realized oh my God I’m a Gilmore Girl? I don’t even think the show is on anymore – it’s on Netflix – but there I am, all Gilmore-y. So if you ever wonder what it’s like to talk to me directly, just watch Gilmore Girls and check out Lorelai Gilmore. I’m a slightly less manic version but pretty close when you pull my zip cord. Lol

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What’s your bias?

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I had a sociology teacher in high school that went around the classroom asking people what their bias is. Whenever a student would state their bias, the teacher would rip it apart. So if the student said something like, “I’m biased against fat people,” the teacher would reply with something like, “Well what if your mother was fat?” or “What if a woman with 8 kids – who was dying of cancer – was fat only because of the cancer?” The teacher came over to my desk and asked my bias. “I’m biased against someone who asks people’s opinions then rips apart the answers.” The teacher stared at me for a moment then smiled. “Smartass,” he said, then moved on to the next student.

Bitches I Love, Breakups, Examples of the Results of Positive Thinking & Envisioning, Life, Marriage, Memories, Relationships

A Perfect Example Of Positive Thinking & Envisioning

The other day my son and I went to the youth Association to register him for summer camp. I explained to the woman that my son would not be in for some time during the summer because I had scheduled a vacation to Disneyland in Florida.

This woman is absolutely fabulous, and I loved her enthusiasm as she spoke about Disney and everything it meant to her. I told her the trip was the best thing for me to focus on after just breaking up with someone. She agreed.

“You know after I broke up with my husband,” she revealed, “I used to walk around the house for months with a tiara on my head.” I was slightly taken back by her admission. She seemed like a very stable lady, very fun and outgoing but it shocked me as well because it seemed a little wackadoo. But she explained,

“My ex-husband just wasn’t treating me right,” she said. “We weren’t getting along and I just thought to myself, ‘I deserve to be treated like a princess; I deserve to have someone treat me like a princess and if nobody can do that I will do it myself.'”

At this point we both giggled because honestly, she wore the tiara at home – it’s not like she’s going out to the grocery store with this tiara on her head while jabbering to herself on the sidewalk. The woman is quite sane. And very witty, if you ask me.

 

We continued talking, and she told me about her new husband. “He treats me so well,” she beamed. “He treats me like a princess.”

At that point I think my jaw fell through the floor. “Do you know what this means?” I said, “Have you ever read The Secret?” She admitted she did not, so I explained to her that The Secret is all about the law of attraction, positive thinking, and envisioning your future. “By wearing the tiara on your head,” I explained, “You were envisioning yourself as a princess, and it [the envisioning herself as a princess and living it wholeheartedly] pulled your husband into your life, your current husband who now treat you like a princess.”

The shock on her face was priceless and I think her jaw hung open for a second. She had not even thought about that, she told me.

“Well now you know what I do? “She continued, “whenever I run into someone who needs a pick-me-up, I send them a tiara and I tell them to release their inner princess.”

By the time I left the youth Association I had wholeheartedly decided that I’m going to buy myself a tiara. Like this fabulous lady, I deserve to be treated like a princess.

Do yourself a favor and take a look at your world and see what has popped up for you in a similar manner. What The Secret says is that anything you think about comes into your world. So even if you think badly, or that you don’t want something, that’s what’s going to pop into your world. So don’t think about the guy that just screwed you over or the girl who lied to you. Think about what you do want. Bring out your inner princess – or prince – and focus on what you do want. And oh yeah – get yourself a tiara!

Being Single, Bitches, Bitches I Love, Breakups, Cheaters, Dating, Dysfunctional, Life, Red Flags, Relationships

Why I love gay men

I’m having an issue with a man in my life. He’s pulling some serious retro high school lies on me and besides validating my decision to remove him from my life, it’s reminding me why I love gay men.

Thats right. I said it. I love gay men.

Putting aside the fact that I can’t boink my gay male friends, I love them for one major reason: They dont lie.

“Honey, what are you wearing, it looks like you blended up five donuts and smeared them on your thighs.”

A gay man won’t let you walk out of the house without looking your best. If you look good, you’ll know it. If you look like poo you’ll know that as well, but at least you’ll know it before the whole world does.

“Honey, he is a straight up hoe. Ditch him.”

A gay man won’t beat around the bush (okay sure – pun intended). If the man you’re seeing is a lying man-whore, your friend will spot that sh!t with the fine-tuned radar thats installed in his perfectly manicured head, and he’ll tell you.

I could have used my friend, James, the last year or two. With the dramatic loss of a two-year boyfriend as well as the devastating disconnection from my dysfunctional parents, I’ve stooped as low as accepting scraps of affection from a guy who’s in the throws of his own drama. It wasn’t a good thing for me to be involved in, and I could have used some serious gay-dar, even if it had nothing to do with sorting sexual preferences.

Sure, you can try to make me feel better by saying the last year was just something that God wanted me to go through. But I’m not sure that actually makes me feel better. Quite honestly I’m in shock over the latest split. Im incredibly disappointed and saddened. Had my friend, James, been around, he’d say, “It’s about time, cause Honey, – you’re worth so much more than that.”

Now THAT I believe. And quite honestly I think the man in my life knew it too.

Being Single, Bitches I Love, Bucket List, Dysfunctional, Life, My List Items, To-Do

Clean House

20140310-183623.jpgI’m newly in love with Niecy Nash and the crew of “Clean House” since I’ve been watching in on Netflix while I clean my own place. But honestly – while I love the entire group – my admiration is mostly for Nash. She makes me laugh with her vibrant sassiness!

One woman on the show owned a “coffee table” that was previously used in India – centuries ago – to “cart the dead.” The woman didn’t want to sell the nasty ol’ thing in a garage sale. Really? Cause dead people DNA on the bottom of your glass of iced tea isn’t a problem? Hello! Uh!

Since watching the show I’ve cleaned out two closets, bagged and donated three garbage bags of useful clothing, and compiled a list of sellable items.

Let’s put “Clean House” on my To-Do list and cross it off, cause baby – a Clean House has been a desire of mine since leaving my dysfunctional parents’ home! I’m well on my way to uncluttered happiness! Uh!

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Quote!

Being impressive is exhausting ;-P

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The New Me!

I was thinking how bland my blog is without an image of me, yet didn’t want to actually post a photo. Enter iStock.com – I love them and hopefully I chose the correct copyright. After strumming through countless adorable and perky blonde girl illustrations, I gasped at this one. While my waist isn’t 14″ – God bless her little illustrated soul – I’d still like to think the likeness is uncanny. And so here I am, floating on my cloud of eternal singledom bliss… At least for another 8 months. LOL
– 1YOS

Bitches, Bitches I Love, Life, Memories, Relationships

My DoucheLord Sociology Teacher

I had a sociology teacher in high school who was supposed to be teaching Economics. But since Economics was a boring joke to him, he’d constantly slip the entire class into verbal sociology debates. One day he went around the classroom asking each student what their prejudice was. As each student proclaimed what they thought would be well-debated by Mr. DoucheLord (let’s just call him that), he would actually rip them apart. For example:

Mr. DoucheLord: “What is your prejudice, Johnny?”
Johnny: “I really don’t like fat people.”
Mr. DoucheLord: “Oh really? What if the aunt who was raising you alone – after both of your parents died in a fiery car crash, who was working three jobs just to support you and your tacky denim fetish – had a thyroid problem and weighed 350 pounds? Would you still hate fat people?”
Johnny: ” !? ”

And so it went as Mr. DoucheLord went around the classroom crushing the opinions of each student.

Now, I was well-informed about DoucheLord because my sister already had her ridiculously fragile ego crushed by his antagonistic ways. But I wasn’t the same kind of girl. As feminine as I was, I was also the type to play catcher in softball and was willing to take a few hits for the team. So in typical me fashion, I dug deep into the recesses of my blonde brain and came up with a brilliant answer that I hoped would minimize the impact of his DoucheLord severity.

Mr. DoucheLord: “So, what’s your prejudice?” he smirked at me, knowing full-well I was the younger sibling of a previously-tortured student.

Me: “I have a prejudice against people who ask other people their prejudice just so they can crap on their answers,” I replied, with my own all-knowing smirk.

DoucheLord snorted, laughed, and replied, “Smart Ass.”

I won.

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Follow Me on Twitter

Hot damn, I’m on Twitter! Follow me and I’ll follow you!

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99 Problems, but a dick ain’t one!

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No idea what I’m talkin’ about do ya’? Then you don’t know Jay-Z.

Being Single, Bitches, Bitches I Love, Life, My List Items, To-Do

Jeannie, The Funtasian

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This weekend was awesome – partly due to my lack of concentration on men and partly because I did what I wanted to do: shoot head shots. Shooting portraits is so much easier when the model is stunning, like Jeannie, The Funtasian.

“I used to cover myself in mud to keep the mosquitoes off,” said the full-time mother of two who’s eccentric flair has endeared her to not only to the Long Island comedy scene, but to comedy aficionados the world over.

Jeannie, founder of comedy blog, The Funtasian, has this to offer on her new-found popularity: “Be honest. Be patient. Use Clarisonic.”

Thankfully there were no mosquitos Saturday, but the folks driving over the tracks were just as pesky. “You shouldn’t hang out on the tracks,” one wrinkly old codger suggested, “They’re live tracks.”

“Okay,” Jeannie said sweetly, batting her lashes at him. As he drove away in amazement that a hot model just spoke to him, Jeannie flashed her middle fingers in his wake. “I’m not a dumbass,” she laughed. “But if people keep stopping us to tell us that these tracks are live, we will eventually get hit by a train!”

You can catch up with Jeannie and her Clarisonic at her website, funtasian.com.

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You’re a top commenter! I LOVE THAT!

Huge thanks to Jolene, SexAndTheCincy, DesireAndDepravity, Just Meg and Looking At Love for being my top commenters! Hugs and love, hugs and love!

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I shot her!

The Funtasian

I just shot Jeannie, The Funtasian! I’m trying to push forward with my year of “me” and in doing so, I’m shooting more. I’m a graphic designer during the day, but I love photography and I try to freelance on the weekends. Making folks happy with a great shot is so much fun, especially when the model is gorgeous – like Jeannie!

We had an awesome photo shoot today: train tracks, gorgeousness, attitude and all – it was a blast. I’ll be posting photos this week, but in the meantime check out Jeannie’s blog, The Funtasian.

And here is a little teaser photo. What do you think?