At some point in my endless string of breakups I realized that men — and I’m guessing this happens with women as well — will only tell you about events in their lives if they care. What’s even more telling about the state of your relationship is when they tell you.

See what you think and add your thoughts here or below the full explanation on my Instagram post, here.

– 1YOS

I love all the posts that show the heart beating the ! out of the brain, like we have no control over our hearts… which we often really don’t. You really can’t control how you feel about someone, but you CAN control if they abuse you. Don’t buy into the drama of being the hurt victim. Focus on what you DO want, and leave.

The steady beat of sneaker hitting sidewalk was the only sound that broke through the crisp, late spring morning. Dew glimmered then flew off low-hanging tree leaves as a runner flew by on the shaded sidewalk.

Her shoulder was soaked and she was tired of bobbing and weaving the uncut shrubbery of neighbor’s yards, so Nicole left the sidewalk at the next small intersection and ran in the silence of the street.

She checked the time on her sports watch. Six forty-five. Perfect. She could be home by seven and out the door 30 minutes after. A short 30 minute drive to work and she could be at the agency by eight. Just in time for last-minute prep before the presentation to the senior EVP.

Nicole crossed over Delancy Street, making her way home. A dog barked nearby. An engine revved. She quickly glanced over her shoulder mid-stride to find a black pickup truck with tinted windows coming her way. In one leap she was back up on the sidewalk. She ducked an oncoming lilac bush.

Nicole glance behind her again to see how long she’d have to wait before returning to the street. Her dark auburn hair whipped her in the face, and as she quickly brushed the lock away to get a better view of the truck, she realized it was closer to her than it should be, and gaining speed. She immediately went into panic mode. Adrenaline opened like a flood gate and her legs responded accordingly. She went from jogging to a full-tilt sprint in an effort to avoid being hit by the clearly oblivious driver.

But the driver wasn’t oblivious. As soon as Nicole sprang into a run, the truck swerved to follow her like a heat-guided missile. The hair on the back of her neck sprang to attention as she realized the driver intended to hit her!

Her mind went blank in fear. With full strides, gulping air like she was drowning, she headed for the Anderson’s front yard, where a two-foot brick wall encircled their house, and prayed she’d have enough strength left to clear the wall…

(Excerpt from a new novel I’m writing. Copyright 2014 1YearOfSingle)

The guy I was previously seeing seemed so well-accustomed to lying that he lied about things I didn’t even care about.

For example: He and his co-workers went out one night. “It’ll just be me and Vinny,” he told me. A week later I saw them all gathering at the door, including a few females. I didn’t think anything of it until he avoided all conversation about the night. He had no idea that I dont get stupid about these things because he had been married to the same bi-polar woman since high school, and was preconditioned to believe I’d flip out.

This presents a multi-pronged red flag:
1.) He had no problem lying
2.) He didn’t even bother to find out if I would care or not
3.) He assumed I was just like his (ex-) wife
4.) He was automatically treating me like his (ex-) wife
5.) He had no problem creating another relationship that was just like his current married relationship
6.) By falling into the same patterns, he was displaying his desire to remain in shitty relationships

The man was so used to shitty relationships, and clearly ready to accept another shitty relationship, that he didn’t bother to even see if I was different.

Huge, wet, slapping Red Flag.

The same guy who fulfilled his supposedly straight life with homosexual conversations also had a thing about not posting any photos of me on his Facebook account. For two and a half years.

Red flag?

I would like to pose this question to all orientations: If your partner constantly steers the conversation to what his gay friends want to do to him sexually, as a female, wouldn’t you be concerned? Similarly, as a gay couple, if your partner was constantly chit-chatting about how their straight friend wanted to do them, would you not at least question their desires?

I dated a guy who constantly interjected these themes into conversations. After our breakup, I asked my gay friends and they said he sounds confused, even though he swore he’s 100% straight.

Either way, I would think his focus is cause for a relationship red flag.

What do you think?

Having thoughts of sending dead, black roses or leaving a bloody horse head a’ la The Godfather style? Dont. There’s a reason why you left your ex. On your ex’s birthday, dont buy into drama. Instead, celebrate the strength you had to let their toxicity go. Instead, celebrate you.