Unhealthy Men Like Unavailable Women

1Yos
I literally wore this outfit today

Match.com leaves your profile online even after you’ve gone through the deletion process. I know this because years ago I deleted my profile and received the “your profile is deleted, but will be on display until…” reply. I wasn’t happy about it. I wanted the profile down immediately. If it’s still on display, it’s not really deleted, is it?

Match not only didn’t remove my profile when I wanted it to, but it continued to slam me with notifications and emails. I was then forced to change my profile to reflect that I’m no longer willing to be in the dating game, especially on Match.com. “This profile has been deleted,” I wrote. “Please don’t contact me.” Yet I was still slammed with countless emails from guys who either didn’t read my profile, or thought I’d be a fun challenge. Either way, it only proved they were mentally unhealthy.

Therapy_CanWeTalkI had a brief discussion with my then-therapist about this.

“If they’re trying to contact me,” I began, “despite me explaining the situation and vividly expressing that I’m no longer interested in dating—isn’t it really just revealing their unwillingness to get involved with someone who is available?” I asked. Yes, the therapist agreed.

“So even if their profile seems solid,” I continued, “I should probably still not bother because they’re trying to get involved with an emotionally unavailable girl, yes?” Yes, the therapist agreed again.

Hot damn, I thought, Men are just like us. They want to get involved with unavailable women. They may not even realize it themselves, we concluded. It may all be on a subconscious level.

Good God, I thought. I sat back in shock for a minute, proud of myself for the revelation, humored that I could finally see the Matrix, but dismayed over the reality of it all. Logically speaking, the theory actually proves that men who fight for their women are actually mentally unhealthy.

Soak that in. How many of us have wanted our guy to fight for us in some manner or another? So in essence, do we want them to be mentally unhealthy?

My mind was spinning. I left the therapist’s office feeling defeated. I thought about the MarriedGuy who went back to his unstable wife, “fighting” to make his marriage work. Sad, I thought, but good riddance. I realized that if he was willing to take-back someone who was that unhealthy, he couldn’t possibly be healthy enough for me. And I realized as my own self-awareness and self-assurance grew, the dating pool shrank. Significantly.

I crossed New York City’s midtown streets on my way back to work,  still thinking about how the dating pool was becoming nothing more than a dried-up puddle. The thought repeated in my mind. Unhealthy men like unavailable women.

In all honesty, women do the same thing. My friends and I clocked plenty of hours chasing unavailable men. So we can’t sit-back and say it’s just the men. It’s everyone. But that doesn’t mean I have to tolerate it.

Unstable men like unavailable women. The thought persisted. I started wondering if the level of unavailability in women mattered. What if a women just didn’t want to get involved because she wanted to live her life for a while? There should be a difference between busy women and women who blatantly say “hell no,” right?

My solution is to find out. I’ve been researching all the things that I’ve wanted to do over the years, but never had time for. While my original “1 Year of Single” has been over for a few years now, I still want to use my 1-year, yet this time it’ll be 1 Year of Rediscovery. 1 year of rediscovering myself and things I love to do. Have you ever spent a specific amount of time purposely rediscovering yourself? That’s what I’ll be doing. And I guarantee, it won’t include spending time on Match.com.

xoxo
-1Yos

 

It’s Summer – Practice Your Positives!

Friday! ☀️🎉 For some of you, it’s Summer Friday. You slept in, grabbed your beach bag and left your laptops at home. For the rest of us, it’s better commute times and ample parking. Either way, your best bet for a good day is staying positive, and looking for the love in your day. List the positive things about YOUR day below! 👊🏼❤️👍🏻 

Cross or Burn?

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The hardest thing in life is to know which bridge to cross and which to burn. Sometimes the one you want to cross is the one you should burn.

Take a breath. Or not?

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The levels of compatibility in dating are endless. It obviously starts with appearance and stature, but goes well into things like fresh breath quotient.

I’m guessing some folks don’t think twice about smelling stink breath, but if you’re like me your stank radar is on high alert.

If you were sitting next to this woman on your ride home, would you say anything?

Do women who use vibrators make better relationship decisions?

I posted this months ago, but after having a dear friend spend more than a week in “She-Needs-Sex-Hell,” I’ve decided to post again. I don’t care if you’re female, male, gay, straight, crooked, clean, dirty, white, black, green, blue… You know you’ve done something or someone where in the morning you woke and wished you hadn’t. So basically I’m asking: If you had the release before the dating-decision was made, would the dating-decision have been different? In an effort to make the poll quick and easy I left the “vibrator” verbiage, but you get the idea…

Boredom

Boredom. It’s why we sometimes date people we shouldn’t.

I have lots to do, don’t get me wrong. I’m just the type of person that can be crushed at work and still be bored. Because it’s not the amount of things I do, it’s the sparkle of interest involved with what I do.

Get it?

I have to go shoot a child now (2-year-old outdoor portraits). Tah-tah!

Dating question!

Have you ever told off someone you were seeing because you were stressed out over an ex?

If you’re a married woman, tell me about your attitude toward dating right before you met your spouse