Relationships

Sometimes God breaks your heart 💖to save your soul

Throughout the years I’ve learned a lot in regard to shutting down toxic relationships. Many lessons came at the expense of my hopes and dreams, but it was obvious the relationships were never that strong in the first place, so nothing was truly lost. In the process, I went from being a simpering young girl to a strong woman who’s resigned to sever negative relationship more now than I ever was before. I recognize the advantages.

Despite knowing that ending negative relationships was a good thing, it was always heartbreaking. It was always a disappointment knowing relationships had to come to an end. Knowing a guy wasn’t who I thought he was always broke my heart. And realizing I was no closer to being loved by someone of quality was always a bitter disappointment.

A few brief years ago, I discovered that the guy who I moved in with was cheating on me. So with yet another sigh, I had to move out after only 6 months of living together. I was so tired of this bullshit, of having hope in someone and having them trash it, that the associated heartbreak became minimal. If this is what God wanted – that I had to move out – then so be it. It was becoming clear to me that God wanted me single. I started to really wrap my head around the fact that I may actually be better off, that there may actually be a greater plan for me than just being someone’s girlfriend or wife. And so single. Completely. Permanently. Or at least permanently, for now.

It’s so hard for us to accept that there might be a higher power out there that’s actually trying to give us a better life. We fight against it for so long because we think we know better. For myself, I was able to accept the last breakup much more quickly because I knew my boyfriend may be cheating and I didn’t want a life of feeling that bleak, negative compression that had descended on my son and myself. It was crushing us and we were desperate to get out. And so I made the move. Heartbroken yet again – but I made the move very willingly.

Sometimes God gives us relationships for a reason, and sometimes God takes them away – rather quickly – for other reasons. Of course, it’s easier to figure out why after the disaster has struck and the story has come to a close. Basically, wouldn’t you prefer to break your leg and go to the hospital if it gets you out of a plane crash? We’ve got to think of it like that – a broken leg and a plane crash – it’s really just that simple. The broken leg is the breakup. The plane crash is the disaster of a relationship with your ex. It may hurt, but you’ll heal.

Relationships

See the Freedom More Clearly

The very first thing I thought when I made that final decision to stop talking to my intensely toxic family was “What dream can I now live because I’m free from them?” It came on like a flash and made me realize I had been imprisoned my entire life. I had no idea what a hold they had.

Free at last. Free at last. Thank God, I’m free at last.

Relationships, The Law of Attraction

The Law of Attraction

🌿 Did you know that centuries ago people were convinced that the world was flat? There was nothing that anyone can do to convince the population that the world was indeed round. Had you been someone who believe that the world was round, you would have been laughed into an insane asylum. Imagine an entire population thinking that the world is flat. Laughable now, right?

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Have you ever been to a beach? Have you ever sat on the sand at the beach and watched the water come into the shore, then leave again, come in to the shore and roll out again? What about on land: Have you ever stood in an empty building and shouted just to hear your own echo come back?

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Just as these things happen – waves going out and returning, so do your thoughts. However, similar to the echo in an empty room, what comes back to you is amplified, and it’s not just an emotional thought, is enough time and emotional attention, it returns as an actual thing.

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And it’s based in actual science.

No shit.

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For anyone thinking “this is complete bullshit,” feel free to keep running your life into the ground with constant negative thoughts. But if you’re tired of feeling like the world is against you, and the reign of crap is never ending, I urge you to take six months to focus on nothing but the good things in your life. No excuses.

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If you refuse, then I say you like your life as crappy as it is. It’s your choice.

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#quote #quotes #loa #lawofattraction #lawofattractionplanner #lawofattractionguide #lawofattractioncoach #positive #meme #memes #negative #positive #truth #happy #happiness #divorce #divorced #dating #breakups #love #lovequotes #family #career #fitness #weightloss #quotesaboutlove #quotesaboutlife #memories #new #newquotes #beautiful

Relationships

The Narcissist Mother

I still remember the veil coming off my mother’s façade as she lost her shit on me a few times. The sweet, innocent martyr was gone in an instant, and the vicious woman I knew existed just below the surface would reveal herself for just an instant. She quickly reigned-in her craziness again when she realized what she was doing, what she was allowing to be revealed.

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Too many people fall for the narcissist’s act. Get out as soon as you discover who you’re dealing with.

Relationships

“I’m Every Woman” – Chaka Khan

Back in the ’80s we had vinyl records  >>  We called them “LPs” for “long playing” (that was our technical description back then lol). As kids, we’d beg our parents to bring our butts to the mall where the record store would sell complete LP records with the artist’s preselected list of songs. Records contained about 8 to 11 songs or so, and it was pretty-much a gamble if you’d like all of the songs on the record. If you weren’t as risky or rich to buy the entire record, you’d buy a “45.” The 45s were much smaller than full LPs, with only one song on each side.

It was from those 45s that I was introduced to Chaka Khan and her kick-ass woman-ness ways. I don’t remember the exact song on that 45, but when my sister purchased Chaka’s “I feel for you” LP, I was already hooked.

So it’s great to have folks like Wendy buzz me over here on my blog to tell me about her healing tunes, tunes that include Chaka Khan. This, Wendy, was a good one – Chaka is a goddess, and will always be a part of my arsenal, too.

Thank you, Wendy!
Here’s Chaka Khan’s “I’m Every Woman.”

 

via “I’m Every Woman” – Chaka Khan

Being Single, Relationships

Can traveling make you just as healthy as dieting?

I would venture to say that most people make plans to lose weight or trim-down in the new year. I’ve done so countless times myself. And yet by the time each February rolls around, I’m bored with the calorie counting and repetitive fitness schedule. Another resolution down the drain.

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Make traveling your new New Year’s resolution.

Just recently, my officemates and I had been talking about the Keto Diet (although they have taken advantage of its theory much more than I have). It got me thinking about New Years resolutions and fitness. Should I attempt another fitness-health resolution? So boring, I muse. I shouldn’t have to make a resolution in order to be healthy. I want to do something else.

When I saw this meme I thought, This is brilliant. Of course! This is the entire enchilada wrapped up into one shebang. If you become more active – if you get involved in your own life, including traveling – you’ll most likely lose weight and naturally become more healthy. I’ve done it before. I can do it again. So in essence, a healthy  preoccupation with anything other than food – exploring new locations and people – should most likely help me to lose weight and become more healthy. An article by Forbes discusses the same thing, citing multiple benefits and studies on how health is improved when we travel for recreation.

I love that. I believe the mind has to be involved in other things other than food. After all, the more I’m forced to think about dieting, the more I eat. It’s simple Law of Attraction. Add to that how we become stressed when we overeat, and it’s pretty clear to me that traveling can actually outweigh the benefits of dieting alone.

And so I put this to you as well. Make traveling and discovery your new, New Year’s resolution. It’s not exactly tossing aside health – it’s incorporating it. The more you explore and see the world, the healthier you become.

📍#travel 📍

Relationships

You never know how much someone can mean to you until they’re gone.

My son and I were discussing #StanLee and his impact on the world, and realized he’s affected us as well. Every holiday that we went to the movies – if there was a Marvel movie – that was our choice, and it became tradition for us to look for Lee in the film. And so there we were about 20 minutes ago, blubbering in my son’s room, wiping some light tears from our faces for a man we never met.

Now, accepting that my son and I were misty over Lee may help you realize why you became so attached to someone in your life in such a short time. Ultimately, it’s never the length of time that you know someone that matters — it’s the quality, the meaning that they bring into your life that matters.

Relationships

Coming soon: How to prevent a breakup from lasting forever

Relationships

Relationships

After chatting with a follower today…

Relationships

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Autumn is a great time to declutter your home and your life. I sometimes find it difficult to stop and think about how to do that, exactly. I feel like I’m more productive if I keep moving — but it prevents proper planning. It’s actually productive to evaluate your surroundings, as well as your life, and see what can be adjusted. If you find it difficult to plan when you’re home, take yourself to the nearest café and relax there for a good hour or so. You’ll find it’s worth it.

Relationships

Yes or no?

What do you think?

Relationships

You don’t have to be a party animal every holiday

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I remember feeling like there was something wrong with me if I didn’t go out every holiday. The truth is, not everyone goes out and parties every holiday. Don’t look at Facebook as an example of what life should be – Facebook tends to only show the best parts of people’s lives. Thinking that every holiday should be like Facebook’s display of holiday gatherings is unrealistic.

Allow yourself to stay home sometimes. Spend time with your family in your own space. Don’t let friends make you feel guilty for getting rest and relaxation – especially if you’re going through a divorce or breakup. We certainly didn’t feel guilty for taking a 2pm nap when we were 16 – why feel guilty now? Yes, you should go out during a divorce/breakup. Yes, you should stay in touch with friends. But stopping to smell the roses is also necessary. And doing so during the holidays is a great way to celebrate your new-fought freedom. You can have just as much fun and relaxation in your own pool, with your own bbq. Go out tomorrow, and let your friends know what a kickass time you had chillin’ by the pool.

Relationships

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Being Single, Divorce, Dysfunctional, Dysfunctional Mother, Life, Memories, Parents, Recommendations, Recovery Help, Relationships

How to stop talking to your father. With a smile.

Laugh or you'll cryThere’s no need to stop smiling! Father’s Day should be a time for happiness and sunshine, barbecues and laughs. Unfortunately, for a lot of us, we have to deal with abusive fathers and what they did – or still do – to us. While I would love to ignore creepy, negative people, I still have to deal with them, and I believe there are a few of you who must as well, and so I’m here for you! Keep a smile on your face, keep your dignity and good spirit, but remove the Crazies.

A brief background on why I like to help
My father was physically present, but emotionally absent. He allowed my mother to be a mediator between himself and his daughters, and because of that our family was torn apart. My mother – a sociopathic narcissist – lied to him about our thoughts and actions. In return, he beat us. This placed her as the head of the family – exactly where she wanted to be.

“…if you showed a sign of independence as a child they took it as losing control, they must have absolute control.”

The family friend who wrote that in an email to me was absolutely correct. And even now I’m shocked how accurate his words were. I had a choice: live a suppressed life according to abusive, unstable people, or be happy and be what numerous teachers and coaches knew I was: intelligent and very capable.

So after years of therapy, I’m finally at peace and live a very happy life. With the exception of Father’s Day. It’s a constant reminder of how my father was absent during the times we needed him the most. Fathers should be authoritative and help steer the direction of the family. Instead, he handed-over authority to an unstable, manipulative mother. And even to this day, he allows my mother to fabricate untruths about anyone who attempts to dethrone her.

Because of this, I’ve had to completely disconnect myself from my own family. I found it extremely difficult to do, and every Father’s Day that passes is a reminder that I’ve both done the right thing as well as exactly how alone I am in regard to having a family.

Weak people gather like vultures at a carcass.

If you’re struggling with an abusive father and desperately want to disconnect, these things helped me. I’ve done the following:

1.) Completely cut ties
After years of limiting communication, I finally completely cut ties. I block phone numbers, I block email addresses and I do not give out my mailing address. The psychos in my family needle people until they give in (unfortunately, it has worked on aunts and uncles who have heard entire stories of our abuse).

I refuse to bend. Abuse is still abuse. Even after trying to “work it out” with my parents, they still continue to create fresh ways to destroy their children. As one sister pointed-out, “If it was just that event years ago, I would have forgiven. But they continue to try to hurt me, and for that I’ve had to get them go.”

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2.) Donate all items from the abuser
I’ve had to donate all memories including clothing, sneakers, shoes, gifts, furniture, jewelry. Basically, I’ve had to create an entirely new life for myself.

Ask yourself, “Who do I want to be? Who have I always wanted to be, but couldn’t because of abusive dipshits?” Think of it like this: there are a lot of people out there who will be thankful that you’re giving away dressers, beds, armoires, earrings, necklaces, photo albums.

This is a war, my friend, and you are going to win. You will be happy.

3.) Put away photos
Old photos are in a box in my closet. I don’t take them out unless my son asks about our heritage. That’s it. Other than that, the box stays where it is. I don’t marinate in old memories because it causes negative energy. I don’t need that. As a collective experience, you want to stay as positive as possible – seeing images of a destructive time in your life will not help. Put them away and keep them there. The only reason I would not completely destroy the images is if you need to send one to a lawyer for an Order for Protection. Hey – you didn’t choose this life, they chose it for you. All you can do is work your way out of it the smartest way possible.

4.) Do not respond to shenanigans
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to email, reply, or post about how insane my abusers are. There’s gobs of articles and proof on the internet alone about how their actions are insane and possibly illegal.

But responding will only continue the flow of negative energy.

So while it’s clear that these people thrive on negative reinforcement, negative attention, you will not. In order to end the bullying you’ve got to ignore the bully. I find this infuriating because – to others – it looks like the bully is correct if no one corrects them. But ultimately, you can’t reason with a crazy person, and that’s what they are – crazy. So don’t waste your time on them. You’ve already given enough of yourself to their insanity.

5.) Embrace the fact that your father is a putz, and that you’ll have to do it on your own
This is difficult for me because I don’t think it’s that hard to be a good dad. And so the shock is constantly there.

“Why couldn’t he…”
“Why didn’t he…”
“Why won’t he…”

But I try not to marinate in the disappointment of it. I’ve found other people whom I love to show me what good fathering is. I watch them, embrace them and accept the fact that the universe put me in this position to learn something. And so I shall. And so will you.

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-1Yos