God Help Me…

God Help Me

I’ve joined Match.com. So far I look, then drop the phone and run. Lol… 

This may answer some of your questions…

Thanks to a friend of mine, I now have the answer to some of my most pressing questions. 😉 Totally kidding. But the last photo may answer one of yours.
Photos Mock some of the US’s Most Ridiculous Laws

(Sort-of) New Exercise Bike!

Ask and ye shall receive!

After reading The Secret, I’ve been trying to concentrate on a positive, successful future. One of smaller successes that I’d love to accomplish is on my To-Do list: Lose that Last 15! After I canceled cable I started watching The Biggest Loser via Hulu Plus, and have absorbed how much they use exercise bikes. But not knowing a thing about exercise bikes, I wasn’t about to spend hundreds of dollars.

My aunt started a Buy & Sell group on Facebook and added me. Low-and-behold, someone posted a exercise bicycle for under $200. I asked a few questions and purchased the bike. Whoohoo! … only problem was that it sat in my car for almost three weeks while I tried to figure out how to get the heavy thing up the stairs to my apartment.

Score! Tonight a photographer friend of mine stopped by and the two of us hauled it up the stairs. It’s heavy! And the good news is that my friend said this particular bike is professional. Which is awesome! I’m just hoping it doesn’t cave-in the floor. Ha!

Again, I know nothing about it so I’m going to research it all. If you’ve got any suggestions, feel free to let me know!

Heaven sent, baby, heaven sent! (Unless it falls through the floor…) Heaven sent, baby!

Whoohoo!

The Pre-Thanksgiving Alcoholic

I can smell an alcoholic from a mile away. Unfortunately – in this case – there’s one right next to me on my commuter train home.

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Alcoholics think that no one knows they’re alcoholics. I know this guy’s an alcoholic. There’s a way alcoholics process alcohol – the smell of it hovers near their skin with a stale, sweet, fermenting, rotting essence. It permeates the area like old tobacco does after seeping into walls for years.

Whenever an alcoholic sits next to me, my skin crawls. My senses go on high alert because my ex-husband was an alcoholic.

I was home making stuffed mushrooms on Thanksgiving Eve, 2006, when my husband [at the time] came home after drinking all day. He was so inebriated it was like a stranger had entered the apartment. It was a violating feeling, having my husband’s body – with a stranger’s personality – enter my home, and the worst part about it is that I couldn’t do anything about it like I could if it really was a stranger. When he harassed me or dumped an entire container of spice into my recipe, all I could do was gently plead for him to stop, hoping by some miracle something I said would snap him out of it.

Nothing ever did.

There were times when he’d come home at 3am after being unreachable all day. One night I used my laptop as a shield as I ran through the apartment with my husband throwing things at me. Another night I shut myself in the closet, but he opened it, smashed it closed, opened it and smashed it again – all the while screaming, “What did I do wrong!? What did I do wrong?!”

I was terrified. He was a hunter and although still new at the sport, he had knives, bows and a rifle. There were times while I waited for him to come home at night that I considered sleeping on the floor beside the bed just so I wasn’t vulnerable when sleeping.

Those times made me realize that I had to make a choice: I could fall into the dramatic cinematic B.S. that a lot of women fall into and potentially have people pitying me for the rest of my life like a piece of worthless trash, or i could do something about it.

Neither of my parents were alcoholics, but they were both physically abusive and emotionally abandoned me. And no one had ever saved me from them. So I thought about my baby boy, “I have to save his life like no one saved mine.” I had to save his life like no one saved mine.

My ex-husband still tries to get me into fights even to this day. But it’s completely different now because I have my own safe haven. My home is an oasis because it’s just my son and me who live there. I no longer have to peep around the door when I come home at night to see if my ex is drunk, passed out or dead. I know my son is safe and happy in our home. And my stuffed mushrooms on Thanksgiving are perfect.

I hate alcoholics. I’m sorry, I do. And I hate when they sit next to me on my commuter train home.

But I love myself for being brave enough to save myself and my son. Its made all the difference.

Rock Climbing

After cutting off cable and watching endless episodes of Biggest Loser on Hulu Plus, I’ve got a big fat hankering to try rock climbing. I know nothing about rock climbing so I’m going to research a few places in New York City. All I need is a wall and an instructor.

This is part of my To-Do list. I may have a friend come and photograph it. Hmmm…

It’s Time!

I started this blog months ago and it was my intention back then to create a list of things that I wanted to do this year. After months of unintended misdirection brought on from dating drama, I’ve decided to formulate my list starting today!

It’s meaty! The first things I’m working on is dumping a photo group that I currently organize. Marketing and correspondence alone takes about 8 hours a week. After that there’s research, networking, planning and producing outings and workshops. To lead a group successfully, it takes more than 20 hours a week. I’m done with putting time in for this because I’m never really benefitting from running the group. I’m like the teacher who doesn’t get paid well because I’m teaching all my students how to get paid well!

Other things on the list include cooking class, wine tasting, hiking, movies with friends…

I’m looking forward to the next few months. Maybe some of the time that I put into the old photo groups can now be put into me! Have any of you revamped yourself like this before?

Last Night’s Dream

I’m having a lot of water dreams lately-what’s up with that? Last night I dream that I was on a very old rusted party or fishing boat that started to sink, so a few of us calmly jumped off into the water to the life boats. But the lifeboats were not substantial-they were flimsy, like the boats that you blow up for Barbie toys. They even had those little plugs…

There was a guy with me who needed a lifeboat too, so I told him to get in with me. The two of us jumped in a small blow-up boat, but very quickly, the boat sank and was underwater while we were still sitting in it. I pointed it out to the guy – who seemed completely oblivious – and we both jumped out to look for another lifeboat.

I had no idea who this guy was in my dream, but the more we looked for lifeboats the more clear it became that he liked me. The water started receding and pavement eventually appeared, so the fear of drowning was no longer a possibility. I laid down on the pavement in my light-peach cocktail dress to wait for him while he spoke to a friend about me. I felt like we were connected like friends and that I should wait.

Who is he? Is he coming over here? OMG I’m so tired, were my last thoughts before I put my head on the warm pavement to rest and –

EHH ehh ehh! My alarm went off.

“Brave” – Sara Bareilles

When I browse WordPress, I see a lot of us struggling with negative influences in our lives. It’s so difficult to think positively when we’re continuously barraged with b.s. from all angles. I used to think that things would work out like in the movies, but life isn’t the cinema, and if we don’t speak up with open minds, there’s a good chance things won’t work out like we want them to. Don’t go into a conversation like a bull, but you also can’t assume everyone is getting the message that’s in our head. You’d be surprised how many ways our statements can be translated by someone who’s living a different life.

I have an idea: Post in the comments one time when you said what you wanted to say and things worked out better than if you had said nothing!

Set Fire to Yesterday and Watch the Walls Melt

Reblogged
Set Fire to Yesterday and Watch the Walls Melt.

Blonde Moment:

When you can’t figure out why your Honda car keys aren’t auto-unlocking your apartment door.

Another pseudo-psychic moment at Dunkin donuts

I was standing online at Dunkin’ Donuts waiting for the guy behind the counter and checking my money in my wallet. I saw a key in my wallet-it’s a key that was one of two copies going to my new babysitter. I thought to myself that I should take that key out of my wallet… A man then ran into Dunkin’ Donuts crying, “Do you have my key? I lost my key I can’t get into my car!” He was talking to the young man behind the counter but I was so weirded-out that I slinked out of Dunkin’ Donuts. Back just to ease my guilt I checked the parking lot ground as I walked to my car… Very weird! I’m hoping next time there’s a hot guy in my wallet and I’m hoping some hot guy runs into Dunkin’ Donuts screaming “Where’s my girlfriend?!”

Thank you!

Thanks for the Likes! I know I’m not on here very often and my blogs are shorter than I’d like, so I want to say thanks to all of you for the Likes!

I’m going to go shoot* a small child now. Lol

*portraits

Boredom

Boredom. It’s why we sometimes date people we shouldn’t.

I have lots to do, don’t get me wrong. I’m just the type of person that can be crushed at work and still be bored. Because it’s not the amount of things I do, it’s the sparkle of interest involved with what I do.

Get it?

I have to go shoot a child now (2-year-old outdoor portraits). Tah-tah!

I know I’m not a stalker because –

I went in for car repairs today and they gave me a “rental.” For a second I thought, “Hot damn,” I bet the first thought that some psychos get is, “Who can I stalk while I’m driving this rental car?” Then I laughed and went home.

Halloween Makeup as an Effective Facial

After wearing a full face of dead-angel makeup yesterday, I washed with an Apricot Scrub from St. Ives and a pair of scrub gloves from Puritan’s Pride, then put on some Estée Lauder Night Repair and Aveeno Anti Aging cream. I look like a beaming beacon of glowing health today. Go figure.