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A Perfect Example Of Positive Thinking & Envisioning

The other day my son and I went to the youth Association to register him for summer camp. I explained to the woman that my son would not be in for some time during the summer because I had scheduled a vacation to Disneyland in Florida.

This woman is absolutely fabulous, and I loved her enthusiasm as she spoke about Disney and everything it meant to her. I told her the trip was the best thing for me to focus on after just breaking up with someone. She agreed.

“You know after I broke up with my husband,” she revealed, “I used to walk around the house for months with a tiara on my head.” I was slightly taken back by her admission. She seemed like a very stable lady, very fun and outgoing but it shocked me as well because it seemed a little wackadoo. But she explained,

“My ex-husband just wasn’t treating me right,” she said. “We weren’t getting along and I just thought to myself, ‘I deserve to be treated like a princess; I deserve to have someone treat me like a princess and if nobody can do that I will do it myself.'”

At this point we both giggled because honestly, she wore the tiara at home – it’s not like she’s going out to the grocery store with this tiara on her head while jabbering to herself on the sidewalk. The woman is quite sane. And very witty, if you ask me.


We continued talking, and she told me about her new husband. “He treats me so well,” she beamed. “He treats me like a princess.”

At that point I think my jaw fell through the floor. “Do you know what this means?” I said, “Have you ever read The Secret?” She admitted she did not, so I explained to her that The Secret is all about the law of attraction, positive thinking, and envisioning your future. “By wearing the tiara on your head,” I explained, “You were envisioning yourself as a princess, and it [the envisioning herself as a princess and living it wholeheartedly] pulled your husband into your life, your current husband who now treat you like a princess.”

The shock on her face was priceless and I think her jaw hung open for a second. She had not even thought about that, she told me.

“Well now you know what I do? “She continued, “whenever I run into someone who needs a pick-me-up, I send them a tiara and I tell them to release their inner princess.”

By the time I left the youth Association I had wholeheartedly decided that I’m going to buy myself a tiara. Like this fabulous lady, I deserve to be treated like a princess.

Do yourself a favor and take a look at your world and see what has popped up for you in a similar manner. What The Secret says is that anything you think about comes into your world. So even if you think badly, or that you don’t want something, that’s what’s going to pop into your world. So don’t think about the guy that just screwed you over or the girl who lied to you. Think about what you do want. Bring out your inner princess – or prince – and focus on what you do want. And oh yeah – get yourself a tiara!


Positive Thoughts

Since we can’t change people by trying to figure them out, let’s go right for Positive Thinking. Follow my Twitter account: 1YearOfSingle 😀

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In The Wake Of A Maddening Silence

When I discover that someone has been lying, their complete silence stuns me more than the lies themselves. What’s left in their wake is an onslought of questions while the liar sails away Scott free. 

I don’t understand that mindset. Isn’t there any conscience at all? How does he not think, “Wow, I really destroyed her. She’s really upset. I feel really bad.” Is he going to sit there and convince himself that he never lied to me? How do people do that? How do they allow themselves to think that way?

What kind of person does that?

And after everything he told me about his ex, he’s going back?

Within seconds after thinking the questions above, I realized he could have lied to me about everything – not just the one major point that I discovered. I have no idea what the truth is now and because he doesn’t care enough to actually tell me, I’ll never know. Those revelations threw me into a new phase of shock, and my head spun so much that I forced myself to refocus on something else. Something positive.

It annoys me that the first thing I think of when I get up in the morning is this. I don’t deserve this and he knows that. I’m constantly refocusing all day from negative to positive. Thank God it’s working.

Anyone whose lies are so grand that you have to break up with them isn’t worth the time it takes to figure out why they lied in the first place. Add to that the most disrespectful type of silence there is and you’ve got a guilt-free excuse to cut them out of your life forever and move on immediately.

I used to be shocked at the crazy things some women did after breakups. Hell, I thought his wife was crazy. But after his disrespectful onsloght of silence from him, I understand now. I understand why some women go batsh!t crazy. 

All I can think now is that they can have each other. Theyre both insane. What I’d like to do now, though, is stay positive. I think helping others survive breakups by focusing on the future and staying positive is essential to any recovery, and certainly helps regain footing in the wake of the maddening silence.



I just realized I’m a little devastated about the newest breakup and it’s making me want to shut down this blog completely and retreat. Not really sure what to do. Thoughts?

Breakups · Dysfunctional · Life · Marriage · Relationships

I have a problem

I have a problem accepting weak people. I get this from my father – who’ve I’ve most recently discovered is the mother of all wimps.

Years ago I left my husband while my son was still in diapers. I was terrified. I was scared I was going to die as well. My ex-husband had hunting equipment – including a gutting knife. But the thing that I feared the most was that my son would grow up living in a toxic environment and not learn what healthy love is.

I have a problem with fathers that dont have the same fear. I have a problem with these men because they dont defend their children. They’re so wrapped up in their fear of living alone that they allow the children to live in unhealthy and sometimes dangerous environments.

My father was the epitome of this kind of coward. While he safely went to work every day, his children were left alone with a passive aggressive psychotic whack job, and he allowed himself continually to believe that we were okay.

Years later the most atrocious facts were revealed to me that made my own sad outlook on my mother pale hideously in comparison. After struggling to process the newest information, one thought formed: my father never saved us. He could have saved us at any time, but he never did. As twenty-somethings we joked about how my father put his head in the sand whenever there was a problem with the family, but it ran much deeper than that.

I was dating a great guy with a wife who sounded similar to my mother. After months of brainwashing by her, he’s now walking in my father’s shoes. He’s not saving his kids.

As a child of psychological abuse, it’s devastating to know children may be in similar situations, and I so desperately want to help them. But I’m nobody in their lives. At this point I can only pray that he finds his strength again before his children end up like my father’s.

But I have a problem sitting back and waiting to see if that day will ever come.

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Why I love gay men

I’m having an issue with a man in my life. He’s pulling some serious retro high school lies on me and besides validating my decision to remove him from my life, it’s reminding me why I love gay men.

Thats right. I said it. I love gay men.

Putting aside the fact that I can’t boink my gay male friends, I love them for one major reason: They dont lie.

“Honey, what are you wearing, it looks like you blended up five donuts and smeared them on your thighs.”

A gay man won’t let you walk out of the house without looking your best. If you look good, you’ll know it. If you look like poo you’ll know that as well, but at least you’ll know it before the whole world does.

“Honey, he is a straight up hoe. Ditch him.”

A gay man won’t beat around the bush (okay sure – pun intended). If the man you’re seeing is a lying man-whore, your friend will spot that sh!t with the fine-tuned radar thats installed in his perfectly manicured head, and he’ll tell you.

I could have used my friend, James, the last year or two. With the dramatic loss of a two-year boyfriend as well as the devastating disconnection from my dysfunctional parents, I’ve stooped as low as accepting scraps of affection from a guy who’s in the throws of his own drama. It wasn’t a good thing for me to be involved in, and I could have used some serious gay-dar, even if it had nothing to do with sorting sexual preferences.

Sure, you can try to make me feel better by saying the last year was just something that God wanted me to go through. But I’m not sure that actually makes me feel better. Quite honestly I’m in shock over the latest split. Im incredibly disappointed and saddened. Had my friend, James, been around, he’d say, “It’s about time, cause Honey, – you’re worth so much more than that.”

Now THAT I believe. And quite honestly I think the man in my life knew it too.


The Prince is a Frog

Some of you may have been wondering where I’ve been, and I love you for that. A few months ago I received a voicemail from Married Guy’s wife, accusing me of ! him, which was a joke because he and I weren’t even speaking since the summer when I called it off so that he can make his last-ditch-effort to be with the woman who cheated on him. But after suffering seeing him weekly, then hearing that voicemail, I confronted him his in office. He apologized profusely and said she’s just desperate because she knows that he’s “done” and even told me that “she won’t sign the paperwork, I even went as far as offering her money.” I was stunned and quite happy to hear he chose a direction. He seemed quite determined, but it seemed his decision to proceed with the divorce lifted a weight from his shoulders. I believed him.

I also told him that if she was going to call me and accuse me of things months after I stopped speaking to him, that she can go scratch now. I was trying to be respectful, but at this point – quite honestly – I had no problem spending time with him since he was proceeding with everything.

And so weeks pass and things were fine. I feel like he was going through what I had when I left my husband – so I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

Last night during a texting conversion he told me that he never said he had (divorce) paperwork. And after I regurgitated several ways in which he did indeed tell me “she won’t aign the paperwork,” he basically ended the conversation.

At which point I told him to lose my number.

A year ago When I met him, I gave him the benefit of the doubt because I had gone through the same situations when I left my husband. Months ago I gave him the benefit of the doubt because he seemed to honestly have a direction, wanted a healthy relationship and wanted to protect his kids. And up until yesterday he told me things to support that theory.

I think I’m in shock. I’m so tired of being lied to. Theres such a fine line between being trusting and being a door mat. And people say, “Be careful!” But honestly – how do you really do that?

I’m so numb and disheartened by the entire thing. But I do want to thank the guy on the train for giving me a tissue. Thanks, guy.


Lying Sack

Today I discovered I was lied to by someone I thought was possibly the most honorable guy I’ve ever met. Clearly I’m mistaken yet again and what makes it worse is that he tried to convince me that I hallucinated over five times. 


And the post is on its way…



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Clean House

20140310-183623.jpgI’m newly in love with Niecy Nash and the crew of “Clean House” since I’ve been watching in on Netflix while I clean my own place. But honestly – while I love the entire group – my admiration is mostly for Nash. She makes me laugh with her vibrant sassiness!

One woman on the show owned a “coffee table” that was previously used in India – centuries ago – to “cart the dead.” The woman didn’t want to sell the nasty ol’ thing in a garage sale. Really? Cause dead people DNA on the bottom of your glass of iced tea isn’t a problem? Hello! Uh!

Since watching the show I’ve cleaned out two closets, bagged and donated three garbage bags of useful clothing, and compiled a list of sellable items.

Let’s put “Clean House” on my To-Do list and cross it off, cause baby – a Clean House has been a desire of mine since leaving my dysfunctional parents’ home! I’m well on my way to uncluttered happiness! Uh!