He’s Just Not That Into You

This should go hand-in-hand with my denial post because we choose to ignore many of these signs. These are some clear indications that you’re not a priority in his life.

He says he’s not a texter
I dont care if he’s got no fingers and is a severe dyslexic – if the man likes you, he’ll find a way.

You see him texting, but you haven’t heard from him
Clearly you’re not the object of his interest. Doesn’t matter if it’s work or someone else, you’re not it. Stick with your gut feeling, because any guy who’s interested in you enough will tell you about his day long before you ask.

If you’re disgusted with yourself after contacting him
If it’s been a length of time and you contact him first – and are disgusted or pissed at yourself for doing it – there’s a good chance there’s another underlying matter that’s not being addressed. Like why you haven’t heard from him in the first place. These intuitive feelings are there for a reason. Be the brave Bitch that Sherry Argov wants you to be and pay attention.

He’s consistently unavailable at certain times of the day
If he’s interested in you, you’ll be the one he’s contacting most nights. If a guy disappears around the same time every day without ever checking in, it’s probably because he’s got something else to do. And it ain’t you.

“I dont know what to tell you”
This is one of the coldest, harshest, yet most passive aggressive statements that a man can tell a woman. If your guy throws this at you, run for the hills. It means he does know what to tell you, he just doesn’t want to say it. A guy who says this knows his opinion isn’t going to be popular with you.

You go on staycation and he’s MIA
This point is doubly pathetic because unless you’ve booked your staycation solid, you’re clearly available. A guy who really likes you will keep tabs on your schedule. If he doesn’t know, remember, or try to spend time with you – or is just simply missing in action – it’s because you’re not a priority and you’re definitely not on his mind.

He doesn’t ask how it went
You had a huge meeting. Your family had an important event. Your visit to the doctor was scary. If you warned him, but he doesn’t follow-up to see how it went, chances are he doesn’t care. You’re not a priority.

He says hes looking forward to spending time… with someone else
One guy I dated told me that he was looking forward to spending the summer with his son. Aw, how sweet, I thought. I then realized – with a gut-wrenching sadness – I wasn’t in that statement at all. I was no longer his priority.

Side note: Dont confuse a good father with this scenario. A good father will make time for his child and still try to make you feel special, even if he can’t see you. A guy who just isn’t that into you will say the statement and not care that you’re on the verge of tears and not try to make it up somehow.

He tells you things after they happen
I discovered this point on the tail end of my last relationship. If a guy really cares about you, he’ll tell you about upcoming events. Even if its something you can’t attend, theres a good chance he’ll be thinking of you while he’s there. If he tells you about the event after the event, you’re not a priority. For example, if he says something like: “I’m looking forward to the Train concert.” Sounds like he wants you to know where he’ll be and he’ll most likely be thinking about you or wishing you were with him. But “Oh yeah, I went to that concert, it was awesome,” means you weren’t in his head at all or he didn’t want you to know where he was.

If you say goodbye and he says he’ll miss you
This ain’t no compliment, sister. This means he’s not motivated enough to make you stay. Let him go. Believe me when I say there’s no need to keep someone who’s not willing to work to keep you. It’ll just be an exercise in frustration and heartache. (And don’t go testing this point repeatedly to see what his reaction will be.)

If any of these points plant a pit in your stomach, theres a good chance it’s already happened to you… (imagine how I feel after writing this).

FOLLOW “VALLEY GIRL GONE COUNTRY”

My first WP blog recommendation: Follow Valley Girl Gone Country.
Huge thanks for the quote in your latest post, “Spinster…..Aka Hopeless Romantic”
Much love to you, sister! You give me hope.

PS: Your ex is a d-bag. I say this with love. LOL

There's like cows down the street from her.
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“You can’t fix crazy.”

1 Year of Single & Valley Girl Gone Country

Dating Tip

Remember to brush your teeth in the morning and include your tongue. Feel free to mix-in in mouthwash as well. Prevent Funk Cloud.

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Wake the Fuck Up & Smash the Rose Colored Glasses

I got three hours of sleep last night and I’m a flaming ball of anger this morning. This is the kind of mood than spawned 1 Year of Single in the first place. My friend, Mark, would laugh and say, “Yeaaaahhh, I like it!”

I need an emotional bootcamp. I need to forever shed the guilt that comes associated with doing the right thing for myself and basically, very assertively stick to my frickin’ guns like it’s a Zombie Apocalypse and we’re running out of God-damned ammo.

I’m sick of feeling like I hurt someone’s feelings when they were erroneously involved with me in the first place. (See previous post).

I’m making the frickin’ To-Do list for my year this year and I’m resetting the mother-frickin clock to today. I’m frickin’ single starting today. No more quasi sort-of dating but not really, using the guys situation as an excuse to carry-on with the pathetic crumb snatching that i was doing.

ME. Me, me, me! Thats right, Mark, Yeeeaaaah!

A Denial of Points

“I just don’t understand why you’re single,” a guy said that to me recently. But after years of hearing it from others, I got really pissed off. It’s because I keep failing. Failed marriage. Failed relationships. I feel like I’ve been thrown multiple life lessons and I’m failing every one. Why else would the lessons be never-ending? When I look around, I don’t see everyone else going through years of endless dating torture.

I want to know when these stupid little life lessons are going to end and I’m going to enjoy the fruits of my labor. Where’s the damn prize? I feel like I’m getting nowhere, like a salmon swimming upstream; I don’t even know what the lessons are, or what the point of the lessons are. And yet at the same time, I look back on my decisions and think, “God must be tired of me spinning my wheels all the time like a Gafatch.

Devil’s Advocate:

I can’t accept that all happily married women got everything right or had learned all these ridiculous life lessons before they got married. Chose the right guy? Stayed true to themselves? Didn’t neglect their friends? Worked their career religiously? It’s a crock. I think most women – and men as well – are in denial about a lot of things pertaining to dating and their significant other.

Let’s talk about the things I’ve been in denial about when it came to the guys that have been in my life. Putting aside the fact that I’m a result of my dysfunctional family and they’ve had to deal with me, in whole or in part they:

– still had feelings for or went back to their ex
– cheated on me
– were on drugs
– couldn’t handle my dysfunctional family
– where in the middle of a divorce
– were not intelligent
– were alcoholics
– were low income

I’d like to say that there were no quality guys where I lived when I was younger, but I’ll be honest with you: I was completely terrified of quality guys. I had several that asked me out in my life and I emotionally and somewhat physically ran from them. I actually married my ex-husband thinking, “Well, he’s kind of a slob, but that’s okay because no other girl will want him.”

That’s excruciatingly  pathetic.

Once again we can thank my horrifically dysfunctional mother and father for putting into my head that I wasn’t worthy or capable of dating a quality person.

For the last few weeks I convinced myself that I wasn’t groveling for bits of affection. I quite pitifully accepted being on a back burner. I was allowing myself to be on the bottom of his list. Despite the fact that I get anxiety when I think of having to fit someone into my life – I was still accepting crumbs.

Typically from the above scenario I would picture an unkept girl with wrinkly clothes and no makeup who sits at home, testing her phone to see if it rings. Not the case. I had the week off, but was very busy most of the week. But I realized I was missing an ex and wanted to hear from him – and that angered me. It also made me realize he wasn’t reciprocating.

Denial is such a sick, twisted thing. We think that we’re fully aware and capable and in control, and suddenly realize we’ve been groveling and pathetic.

Denial isn’t good. It’s a shitty river and I can’t swim.

I’m finally, finally starting to respect and honor myself and allow myself to be angry when I realize that there’s no need for me to accept emotional crumbs from someone who’s just not good for me. My friend Joe would say, “You DID win. You escaped a shitty relationship.” After decades of feeling alone in my family and now in relationships, that’s hardly a reward.

New Jersey Balloon Festival

I stopped saying “no” and decided to go to some events that I otherwise wouldn’t have attended. One of those little things was the New Jersey Balloon Festival at the Solberg Airport…

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Psychic Comments

I was chatting with two women inside my car’s service station waiting room when a gentle-looking Latino man looked at me – and while rubbing his three money fingers together – said with a thick accent, “You’re going to marry a rich man. Soon. Very soon.”

I laughed and said, “Right! What are you, psychic?”

He smiled. His three teens nodded.

Quote!

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Yes, I’m Saving all my charge for you…

Hey kids! Normally I’d use the last 10% of cell’s battery power to send a photo of the concert that I’m seeing with Jen to the guy I’m dating, but since I’m not dating anyone, here ya go… Train, The Script and Gavin DeGraw at the Nikon at Jones Beach Theater.

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Why Men Love Bitches

Whenever I need to refocus on myself I read, “Why Men Love Bitches,” by Sherry Argov. This book gives the reader permission to be herself, and explains how men appreciate real women. It’s a brilliant insight into men because the book is based on research gathered from men. I reread it constantly because it releases me from the pre-planted notion – from my parents – that I have to keep giving myself fully to a guy to have a complete life.

My parents never appreciated who I was, they never really allowed me to be myself. It was always the direction of coaches and teachers that showed me it was okay to be myself. But there was still an inner struggle: logic versus years of my parents’ subtle signals that implied I wasn’t good enough, that I shouldn’t be myself. Many smart women go through this – we can be CEOs but still have the weak link of parental insecurity planted in our heads.

When my friend Jen suggested this book to me, it was like she passed me the key to the Matrix. It not only made complete sense, it released me from the idiotic view of my ’50s-styled parents that I had to be perfect in order to be liked.

My suggestion is to buy the digital version and keep it on your phone. I’ll be reading mine while my son and I head into the city for a fun day.

Ever spot your ex on a date?

The other night I was with extended family at an event in a small, popular town by me (thought I saw Blake Lively walk by with a guy – that kind of town). As my family and I waited on the corner for the event to start, my ex-husband walked by with a girl. He was wearing the same gym shorts that he was wearing the day before when he dropped off my son, a gray t-shirt, sneakers and round black sunglasses. I recognized his beer gut first, then the gym shorts. I wouldn’t have thought it was him if he wasn’t wearing sunglasses at 9:30pm.

I think I laughed for a good ten minutes. I want to take the man shopping so he can get a quality girl. But I thought of two things: 1.) I am a quality girl. He had me and he blew it wide open 2.) I’m not helping any man. A quality guy will do it himself.

Oh, that made my night more than the actual event.

Full fat Fridays

I’ve decided that every Friday will be Full Fat Friday. Oh yes. Sink your teeth into that delectable morsel of yumminess. The point of this is that I’ll eat well during the rest of the week and the reward will be a whirlwind of calorie accumulation on Friday.

I’m sure you’re completely aghast at this concept but let me assure you that as Friday rolls around, I’ll have no desire to go full fat.

One note about this: *I’ve already switched this weeks Full Fat Friday to today. If The Biggest Loser can keep changing the rules, then I can too! Lmao!