On the way to missing the train today I passed a large family with rolling suitcases. They had exited a van and were climbing stairs to the platform. I knew the next trains departed from the opposite side of the station, so as I passed I told the father that they should use the elevator. His reply? He stammered for a second, and with a defeated hand gesture toward his departing group said, “This is what my wife wants.”
Oh Lord. Men, who’ve got your balls? This is not a matter of doing someone else, its a matter of saving the 80-year-old grandma in your group from having a heart attack.
As I walked away I thought about how my father is a flag. Do all men get like that when they’re older? Is it a pipe dream to think that dating/marriage should be a partnership? To go as far as not taking an elevator or even suggesting it just because you think your wife will get angry – are you kidding?
Do men think they have to hand over their balls? Do they think it’s an all-ball-or-nothing situation when they marry? It would actually explain a lot since most of my observations of men have been either all-balls or ball-free.
Guys – there can be a happy medium. In fact, there should be a happy medium. Strive to retain your man-ness. How do you do this? Well, first you’ve got to honestly ask yourself, “Who’s got your balls?”
When I was 16 I wasn’t allowed to go many places (clearly my parents were fubar). But i was allowed to read exorbitant amounts of romance novels. There were days that I would read an entire 600 page romance novel and not only (sadly!) try to fulfill my need for normal teenage romance, but I learned a few “moves” at the same time.
This excessive store of mental sexual images is probably why a guy in college once told me, “I bet you’re great in bed!” But after years of trying to avoid both him and negative relationships, it’s causing a problem. I’ve got one very willing guy that I’m very attracted to, and a library of Johanna Lindsey scenarios in my head that I morally shouldn’t enact.
I was told today that (years ago) my mother stalked her ex-fiancee’s kids to the point where he had to get an Order for Protection against her! The very sad thing about this bit of knowledge is that I remember thinking – when i was very young – that my mother was obsessed with the guy. She talked about him all the time. This blows my mind completely!
Now here’s the cinematic part: My mother was also obsessed with me marrying my ex-husband. Turns out my ex-husband’s mother is cousins with my mother’s ex-fiancee.
GOT THAT? I’ll make a flow chart for you all tomorrow!
There’s much more to this story, and now I’m seriously considering a Hollywood script… Stay tuned…
Ever ask your sort-of-significant other how they’re doing? You sweet thing – look at you being the caring one. That’s great! Listen though – if they’re too preoccupied with themselves to ask how you’re doing, I’d say it’s a pretty clear indication that they don’t care enough about you to focus on you.
Case in point: I don’t really have a father. My family was very dysfunctional and my father was emasculated by my mother. Last year, when I disassociated from my family, I had to include my father in that scenario because he never supported me. Today is Father’s Day. I don’t have anyone asking me how I’m doing on Father’s Day. This is not a woe-is-me situation because I’m definitely not focused on that aspect of my life anymore, but it did make me realize who is thinking about me, and who is not. And it’s very important to keep those rose-colored glasses off and keep caring about me by not fooling myself.
My point: if you aren’t in their head to the point where they are concerned how you’re dealing with the most difficult things in your life, they just don’t care enough.
Screw what I’m doing. This is what I’m not doing: I’m not contacting “him.”
You know at some point you’ve all had a “him” or a “her” that you’ve wanted to contact, but knew you shouldn’t. Let’s marinate in this feeling for a moment: Remember how difficult it was to not contact that person? Remember how horrified you were when – if you did contact them – you felt like a complete jackass because it didn’t work out like you wanted it to once you did contact them?
Well, I didn’t contact him and I feel like a million bucks.
This weekend has some interesting scenarios that – if he was a regular friend – I’d be involved in. But screw it, I’m sticking to my Lessons Learned, especially #2. I’ll be honest – I had about eight moments when I literally had the phone in my hand but thought, I’m not investing in someone who isn’t investing in me,and I put the phone down. You would have been proud of me. Hell, I was proud of me.
By not doing something, I am doing something else: I’m valuing me. And hot damn it feels awesome!