Years ago, I dated a little surfer dude who had not much of a spine. He had just started a new surf company out on Long Island, New York and thought he was the bomb.
Long after our breakup and my divorce, I contacted him about some gear for my young son. After all, the guy was a decent person, I thought, and probably wouldn’t mind if I support his store and get some insights on what I should buy for my son. It shouldn’t be a big deal if I ask him some questions about equipment.
In the middle of small talk, he apologized for marrying someone else, citing he knew how much I wanted to marry him.
I was absolutely speechless.
You know when your brain can’t wrap itself around someone else’s logic? I mean… what do you say to that? I didn’t want to rebuff the kid – I would have made him feel shorter than his already stunted height. And so I sat – on the other end of the phone – speechless. He must have taken that as a confirmation of my undying love. Lol
It felt cruel to tell him that the thought of being stuck with him for the rest of my life would have been torture, so I let it hang. I let him continue to think that I desired marriage from him.
Occasionally I ponder the idea of contacting that surfer dude to let him know that he was profoundly incorrect in his assumption, and that it occasionally makes me vurp when I think about his miscalculation. My pride is indeed pricked when I think of his dorkiness walking around telling people that I still wanted him, that he can’t hold a candle to what I’ve loved.
But still, I let it go. I wish I had the heart to tell him, “Omg, are you outta your mind? LOL” So ultimately… yeah, it wasn’t him at all. It was me.
In 2009 I left my abusive husband after he went off for a weekend of hunting. After I settled in my new apartment and the weeks passed, every now and then I would feel overwhelmed with what the future held.
So while I held my 2yo in my arms, we would gently dance around the living room to this song. My son would giggle as I bounced and dipped his tiny baby body, and it would help remind me that I did the right thing – no matter what my toxic parents said – I saved both my son and myself from a life of abuse.
This is the song I would play for my son. So when times are stressed and I get a little worried, I still play this song.
Whether you’re female or male, remember you are not alone. Find your own theme song and hold it tight.
The first time I heard Andrea Bocelli and Sarah Brightman, it was during a trip to Vegas. My friends and I gathered to witnessed the breathtaking lights at the Fountains at Bellagio. I had no idea what I was about to watch – my friends had mentioned this simple water show a few times, so we agreed to go.
As the music started and the water started to dance, I realized why people were so mesmerized – there’s something in that entire display of water, Bocelli and Brightman that touches the chords within us, and releases grief and pain.
I’m sending you all hope, love and to those who have regrettably lost loved ones in this horrible mess, my deepest condolences.
Something in a movie the other night reminded me of how emotionally strong women are. My experience is that men do not want to hurt our feelings – the best break ups I’ve ever had involved the men who had the balls to say something. Of course I did not want to hear it – but I was so impressed with the respect they gave me to calmly state how they were feeling without trying to make a dramatic scene. It’s to those men that I have the utmost respect. Because that, my friends, is strength.
Throughout the years I’ve learned a lot in regard to shutting down toxic relationships. Many lessons came at the expense of my hopes and dreams, but it was obvious the relationships were never that strong in the first place, so nothing was truly lost. In the process, I went from being a simpering young girl to a strong woman who’s resigned to sever negative relationship more now than I ever was before. I recognize the advantages.
Despite knowing that ending negative relationships was a good thing, it was always heartbreaking. It was always a disappointment knowing relationships had to come to an end. Knowing a guy wasn’t who I thought he was always broke my heart. And realizing I was no closer to being loved by someone of quality was always a bitter disappointment.
A few brief years ago, I discovered that the guy who I moved in with was cheating on me. So with yet another sigh, I had to move out after only 6 months of living together. I was so tired of this bullshit, of having hope in someone and having them trash it, that the associated heartbreak became minimal. If this is what God wanted – that I had to move out – then so be it. It was becoming clear to me that God wanted me single. I started to really wrap my head around the fact that I may actually be better off, that there may actually be a greater plan for me than just being someone’s girlfriend or wife. And so single. Completely. Permanently. Or at least permanently, for now.
It’s so hard for us to accept that there might be a higher power out there that’s actually trying to give us a better life. We fight against it for so long because we think we know better. For myself, I was able to accept the last breakup much more quickly because I knew my boyfriend may be cheating and I didn’t want a life of feeling that bleak, negative compression that had descended on my son and myself. It was crushing us and we were desperate to get out. And so I made the move. Heartbroken yet again – but I made the move very willingly.
Sometimes God gives us relationships for a reason, and sometimes God takes them away – rather quickly – for other reasons. Of course, it’s easier to figure out why after the disaster has struck and the story has come to a close. Basically, wouldn’t you prefer to break your leg and go to the hospital if it gets you out of a plane crash? We’ve got to think of it like that – a broken leg and a plane crash – it’s really just that simple. The broken leg is the breakup. The plane crash is the disaster of a relationship with your ex. It may hurt, but you’ll heal.
The very first thing I thought when I made that final decision to stop talking to my intensely toxic family was “What dream can I now live because I’m free from them?” It came on like a flash and made me realize I had been imprisoned my entire life. I had no idea what a hold they had.
Free at last. Free at last. Thank God, I’m free at last.
🌿 Did you know that centuries ago people were convinced that the world was flat? There was nothing that anyone can do to convince the population that the world was indeed round. Had you been someone who believe that the world was round, you would have been laughed into an insane asylum. Imagine an entire population thinking that the world is flat. Laughable now, right?
Have you ever been to a beach? Have you ever sat on the sand at the beach and watched the water come into the shore, then leave again, come in to the shore and roll out again? What about on land: Have you ever stood in an empty building and shouted just to hear your own echo come back?
Just as these things happen – waves going out and returning, so do your thoughts. However, similar to the echo in an empty room, what comes back to you is amplified, and it’s not just an emotional thought, is enough time and emotional attention, it returns as an actual thing.
And it’s based in actual science.
For anyone thinking “this is complete bullshit,” feel free to keep running your life into the ground with constant negative thoughts. But if you’re tired of feeling like the world is against you, and the reign of crap is never ending, I urge you to take six months to focus on nothing but the good things in your life. No excuses.
If you refuse, then I say you like your life as crappy as it is. It’s your choice.
I still remember the veil coming off my mother’s façade as she lost her shit on me a few times. The sweet, innocent martyr was gone in an instant, and the vicious woman I knew existed just below the surface would reveal herself for just an instant. She quickly reigned-in her craziness again when she realized what she was doing, what she was allowing to be revealed.
Too many people fall for the narcissist’s act. Get out as soon as you discover who you’re dealing with.
Back in the ’80s we had vinyl records >> We called them “LPs” for “long playing” (that was our technical description back then lol). As kids, we’d beg our parents to bring our butts to the mall where the record store would sell complete LP records with the artist’s preselected list of songs. Records contained about 8 to 11 songs or so, and it was pretty-much a gamble if you’d like all of the songs on the record. If you weren’t as risky or rich to buy the entire record, you’d buy a “45.” The 45s were much smaller than full LPs, with only one song on each side.
It was from those 45s that I was introduced to Chaka Khan and her kick-ass woman-ness ways. I don’t remember the exact song on that 45, but when my sister purchased Chaka’s “I feel for you” LP, I was already hooked.
So it’s great to have folks like Wendy buzz me over here on my blog to tell me about her healing tunes, tunes that include Chaka Khan. This, Wendy, was a good one – Chaka is a goddess, and will always be a part of my arsenal, too.
Thank you, Wendy!
Here’s Chaka Khan’s “I’m Every Woman.”
I would venture to say that most people make plans to lose weight or trim-down in the new year. I’ve done so countless times myself. And yet by the time each February rolls around, I’m bored with the calorie counting and repetitive fitness schedule. Another resolution down the drain.
Just recently, my officemates and I had been talking about the Keto Diet (although they have taken advantage of its theory much more than I have). It got me thinking about New Years resolutions and fitness. Should I attempt another fitness-health resolution? So boring, I muse. I shouldn’t have to make a resolution in order to be healthy. I want to do something else.
When I saw this meme I thought, This is brilliant. Of course! This is the entire enchilada wrapped up into one shebang. If you become more active – if you get involved in your own life, including traveling – you’ll most likely lose weight and naturally become more healthy. I’ve done it before. I can do it again. So in essence, a healthy preoccupation with anything other than food – exploring new locations and people – should most likely help me to lose weight and become more healthy. An article by Forbes discusses the same thing, citing multiple benefits and studies on how health is improved when we travel for recreation.
I love that. I believe the mind has to be involved in other things other than food. After all, the more I’m forced to think about dieting, the more I eat. It’s simple Law of Attraction. Add to that how we become stressed when we overeat, and it’s pretty clear to me that traveling can actually outweigh the benefits of dieting alone.
And so I put this to you as well. Make traveling and discovery your new, New Year’s resolution. It’s not exactly tossing aside health – it’s incorporating it. The more you explore and see the world, the healthier you become.
My son and I were discussing #StanLee and his impact on the world, and realized he’s affected us as well. Every holiday that we went to the movies – if there was a Marvel movie – that was our choice, and it became tradition for us to look for Lee in the film. And so there we were about 20 minutes ago, blubbering in my son’s room, wiping some light tears from our faces for a man we never met.
Now, accepting that my son and I were misty over Lee may help you realize why you became so attached to someone in your life in such a short time. Ultimately, it’s never the length of time that you know someone that matters — it’s the quality, the meaning that they bring into your life that matters.
Autumn is a great time to declutter your home and your life. I sometimes find it difficult to stop and think about how to do that, exactly. I feel like I’m more productive if I keep moving — but it prevents proper planning. It’s actually productive to evaluate your surroundings, as well as your life, and see what can be adjusted. If you find it difficult to plan when you’re home, take yourself to the nearest café and relax there for a good hour or so. You’ll find it’s worth it.