Let’s say you live the guy/girl, and it’s been some time and you’re talking again. Have they addressed what happened? If you honestly believed they were at fault, were they capable of saying anything, let alone “I’m sorry”? I dated one guy who lied huge, unmistakable lies. He not only completely disrespected me, but tried to tell me I was harsh to him when I discovered his huge, obscene lie. Balls. It’s possible to move on with someone who makes a mistake, but how do they handle the aftermath?
There comes a point in a toxic relationship where you have to choose YOU over the past. Sure you may have “invested time,” but what does that matter if the person you’re now with is no longer who they used to be? It doesn’t matter if they WERE or COULD be who you want them to be. If they’re not NOW, then they’re NOT. You now need to think about why it’s so important to stay with someone who doesn’t appreciate your good qualities.
Sometimes it’s exhausting hearing people say, “You did the right thing.” Because besides not being involved in a toxic, unhealthy relationship, I’m forever alone. And while I love me – and quite honestly can’t think of anyone I’d want to break into my happy little reverie that I’ve got going – sometimes it would be nice to feel rewarded for tough decisions I’ve made with something other than “Your life won’t suck now.” Sometimes that consolation prize just doesn’t cut it.
It’s difficult to remain positive when you’re bombarded. I find myself having to stop myself multiple times a day and refocusing on my “Good Thing.” The Good Thing should be something that instantly makes you happy: a vacation, your kids, etc. It seems silly, but it works well. And it cuts down on the negative thoughts. So first: Choose your Good Thing. Next: Whenever you find yourself thinking about anything that makes you sad or angry, stop yourself, allow the thought to go – even without the answers you seek – and think of your Good Thing. It works. 😉👍
Getting back together – or staying with – someone who lied and cheated is NOT a prize to me. I’m sorry, all those posts about working it out annoy me. Folks shouldn’t lie and cheat in the first place, and in my opinion the only one who wins in those cases are the people who lied and cheated.
Welcome to the series of posts that started 1YearOfSingle.
There was a guy I dated that went back to his abusive ex wife for the kids. So instead of making a peaceful loving home for his kids he chose to continue the fighting and aggravation so that he didn’t have to spend money on a divorce. My father did the same thing years ago. After years of struggling to have a relationship with my father I finally cut ties. My ex doesn’t realize-and I’m not about to tell him-that by saving a few dollars he could potentially be losing his children forever. This decision he made is one of those decisions that changed my opinion of our relationship forever. If you can’t save your children I don’t want you. And that’s when I decided to let him go.
Lol OMG >> Okay seriously now. There’s an ancient song from the ’70s that says you shouldn’t change to make the other person happy. This is a screaming red flag. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩Neither person should have to change. We’re talking “the depths of your personalities.” Alcoholism or drug use – yes of course, change all you want. But not who you are as a person. I had an ex who constantly said, I’ll change!” But why? He was being him. Why would I want him to change? It’s like asking a zebra to remove its stripes and put on a horn because I want a unicorn. Forget that. I’ll just go find the unicorn. I let the zebra go.
Here’s something you may not have even considered: You have the power to save yourself. The strength to save yourself is like an old closet in your home. You may have forgotten it’s there, you may not use it as much as you used to – you may even be afraid to look inside. But when you do, you’ll be thrilled at the strength you forgot you had.
Here’s a Thanksgiving story that’ll make you want to hug your family: Years ago I invited my best friend to my family’s Thanksgiving dinner because, for various reasons, the rest of her family was unavailable. After hanging up the phone my father asked who I was speaking to. I told him who it was and that because she was alone on Thanksgiving, I invited her to our family’s house. My father then flipped-out on me and within his tirade said, “If you ever invite anyone over for another holiday meal I’ll fucking kill you.” I then called her back and uninvited her, telling her I wouldn’t be eating there as well. I left the house and my family of six – none of whom defended me – and went to the movies. To this day two of those siblings are still in-deep with my parents. Two of us escaped. Sometimes “the orphanage” is the better option. In the years since leaving both my parents and my similarly-mannered ex-husband, my Thanksgivings have been the most beautiful I have ever imagined. And I owe it all to me.