Alcoholics · Being Single · Bitches · Relationships

Ever spot your ex on a date?

The other night I was with extended family at an event in a small, popular town by me (thought I saw Blake Lively walk by with a guy – that kind of town). As my family and I waited on the corner for the event to start, my ex-husband walked by with a girl. He was wearing the same gym shorts that he was wearing the day before when he dropped off my son, a gray t-shirt, sneakers and round black sunglasses. I recognized his beer gut first, then the gym shorts. I wouldn’t have thought it was him if he wasn’t wearing sunglasses at 9:30pm.

I think I laughed for a good ten minutes. I want to take the man shopping so he can get a quality girl. But I thought of two things: 1.) I am a quality girl. He had me and he blew it wide open 2.) I’m not helping any man. A quality guy will do it himself.

Oh, that made my night more than the actual event.

Quotes · Relationships


Let me introduce you to Jack. My friend, Jen, introduced me to Jack a few years back, and while he amuses the snot out of me, I can’t get rid of him. For example:

“Omg, Jen, he’s been tellin’ me he’s going to judge the city’s Best Body contest! Wtf?”

Jenn: What?! That’s Jacked!

Jack is a mo-fo. He’s everywhere. Car won’t start? It’s Jacked. Boyfriend slobbered on a two-timing ho last night? He’s Jacked. Sometimes the universe is even Jacked… Yeah, that’s the moment that we hang our head for a moment of silence. “It’s the universe,” Jen reminds me, “It’s Jacked.”

Being Single · Bitches · Relationships


There’s a bible out there that I have to tell you all about. An awesome friend of mine, Jen, told me about this book and I have to pass it on to all of you. And when I say, “bible,” I mean an authority on the subject. The subject: being a bitch. The bible: Why Men Love Bitches. Oh, Sherry Argov, I love your book – and I love you. This fits my “1 Year of Single” challenge perfectly!

What makes me sick, however, is that deep down inside I already knew the contents of this book, but like a typical female, I talked myself out of taking care of myself. Now, that’s painful if you consider the numerous years that I wasted 1.) trying to repair failing relationships only to inadvertently screw them up and 2.) I could have gotten so many more things done for myself.

Who knew that if I took care of myself, everything would have fallen in line? My stuck-in-the-’50s mother taught me to give, give, give – give til you’re depleted! Yet, that never worked for her. And now – what’s more ironic – is that it’s 2013 and countless women are still giving, giving, giving and are still getting depleted, depleted, depleted. It makes me want to poke all of our stuck-in-the-’50s mothers in the eyeballs with lemon-loaded fork prongs.

…When I think of the time I wasted that I could have been spending taking care of me! UHG…

It’s almost scary to consider that I can do whatever I want for a whole year. I can say “no thanks” to a guy because I’m off the hook for a year! No guilt, no explanations. I won’t have to explain to my friends why I said “no” to Captain Cutie, because they’ll already know that I swore-off dating for a year. And think about those family get-togethers. No more, “I may know a good guy for you,” who turns out to be a three-time DWI champion who lives in his parent’s moldy basement. No thanks – I’m doing the “1 Year of Single” challenge!

This whole Bitch thing encompasses so many possibilites. It’s quite empowering to realize that I can actually take care of me with no guilt. No guilt! Photography? Check! Margaritas with the girls? Check! Comedy Clubs? Check! Wine bars! Double check!

Men must feel like this all the time. No wonder they don’t want to be in relationships. I feel so free.

But doing what I want isn’t the only thing that being a bitch entails. In the next year I’m going to thoroughly utilize those glorious points in Sherry’s book. And oh yes, you’ll get to hear about it.