You don’t have to be a party animal every holiday

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I remember feeling like there was something wrong with me if I didn’t go out every holiday. The truth is, not everyone goes out and parties every holiday. Don’t look at Facebook as an example of what life should be – Facebook tends to only show the best parts of people’s lives. Thinking that every holiday should be like Facebook’s display of holiday gatherings is unrealistic.

Allow yourself to stay home sometimes. Spend time with your family in your own space. Don’t let friends make you feel guilty for getting rest and relaxation – especially if you’re going through a divorce or breakup. We certainly didn’t feel guilty for taking a 2pm nap when we were 16 – why feel guilty now? Yes, you should go out during a divorce/breakup. Yes, you should stay in touch with friends. But stopping to smell the roses is also necessary. And doing so during the holidays is a great way to celebrate your new-fought freedom. You can have just as much fun and relaxation in your own pool, with your own bbq. Go out tomorrow, and let your friends know what a kickass time you had chillin’ by the pool.

The Importance of Goals

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When was the last time you jumped into a small boat and drifted into the ocean without oars? Oh… You’ve never done that? Why not? There seems to be an endless supply of reasons why we wouldn’t do that with a tiny boat, yet we do it with our lives every day. I cut unstable men loose constantly but eventually get pulled into someone else’s Crazytown Shore because I neglect to make solid goals for myself — goals that help me feel fulfilled. Instead, I get sucked into a nimrod’s toxic wasteland and spend months spinning down their emotional refuse drain until it takes all my strength to save myself again. It’s like the movie Groundhog Day.

I’ve got plenty of things I want to accomplish in life, but they are all currently just dreams. And the only difference between goals and dreams is a deadline. So far I have yet to set a meaningful plan in motion for any of my dreams.

I attempted documenting my day this past weekend in order to see where my time goes because I complain about having a lack of time to get things done. Until approximately 11am on Saturday — when a friend called and asked me to intervene property retrieval during the breakup with her boyfriend — I was somewhat focused. But after my friend’s phone call, I stopped documenting and completely lost focus. After a few hours of favors, I was completely scattered. And I completely forgot to document the rest of my day.

Attention Deficit Disorder, maybe? Hmm… Does it really matter? I tend to think if I focused on a goal — and the steps leading to that goal — I’d get there sooner. Right now I’m a hungry rat in a sewer chasing my tail with no direction.

I’ve got a few Mind Mapping apps that I’ve been thinking about using to take a look at what I want to accomplish next. A mind map is an octopus-like graph of ideas. It looks like this; this is a mind map of presidents:

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It’s basically the next-generation outline of thoughts and ideas that can be used to set and accomplish goals. The two apps that I’ve downloaded are:

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The first ideas you jot are your dreams — your end goals. From those end goals, you create lines to smaller steps in the process. By the time you’re finished, you should have a general plan of steps it should take to accomplish your dreams.

I’m going to poke around with these and layout some dreams for myself. When I’m done I should be able to start planning deadlines and goals.

Have you used mind mapping? On what? How did it work out?

I’m currently convinced that without goals, I’ll end-up tying myself to another toxic situation. Instead, I want to tie myself to my dreams and make my life exponentially better by pouring the effort into myself instead of someone else. I think this is a fabulous idea and I’m convinced it’s going to work!

Last Night’s Dream

I’m having a lot of water dreams lately-what’s up with that? Last night I dream that I was on a very old rusted party or fishing boat that started to sink, so a few of us calmly jumped off into the water to the life boats. But the lifeboats were not substantial-they were flimsy, like the boats that you blow up for Barbie toys. They even had those little plugs…

There was a guy with me who needed a lifeboat too, so I told him to get in with me. The two of us jumped in a small blow-up boat, but very quickly, the boat sank and was underwater while we were still sitting in it. I pointed it out to the guy – who seemed completely oblivious – and we both jumped out to look for another lifeboat.

I had no idea who this guy was in my dream, but the more we looked for lifeboats the more clear it became that he liked me. The water started receding and pavement eventually appeared, so the fear of drowning was no longer a possibility. I laid down on the pavement in my light-peach cocktail dress to wait for him while he spoke to a friend about me. I felt like we were connected like friends and that I should wait.

Who is he? Is he coming over here? OMG I’m so tired, were my last thoughts before I put my head on the warm pavement to rest and –

EHH ehh ehh! My alarm went off.