Yes or no?

What do you think?

You don’t have to be a party animal every holiday

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I remember feeling like there was something wrong with me if I didn’t go out every holiday. The truth is, not everyone goes out and parties every holiday. Don’t look at Facebook as an example of what life should be – Facebook tends to only show the best parts of people’s lives. Thinking that every holiday should be like Facebook’s display of holiday gatherings is unrealistic.

Allow yourself to stay home sometimes. Spend time with your family in your own space. Don’t let friends make you feel guilty for getting rest and relaxation – especially if you’re going through a divorce or breakup. We certainly didn’t feel guilty for taking a 2pm nap when we were 16 – why feel guilty now? Yes, you should go out during a divorce/breakup. Yes, you should stay in touch with friends. But stopping to smell the roses is also necessary. And doing so during the holidays is a great way to celebrate your new-fought freedom. You can have just as much fun and relaxation in your own pool, with your own bbq. Go out tomorrow, and let your friends know what a kickass time you had chillin’ by the pool.

M.U.T.

🌸When I’m single, I feel more free. When I breakup with someone – even when I broke up with my parents – my first thought has always been “What can I do now that I haven’t been able to do before?” Sure, it shouldn’t be that way, but you’re dreaming if you think your partner likes everything you do (or likes to do everything that you like to do). We’re human – it’s simply impossible. And who would want all those similarities, anyway?

So in that vein, I introduce the Mismatch Underwear Theory – or M.U.T.. It basically is a symbol of freedom. I feel freer to do what I want when I’m single – like wearing mismatched goods. Hey, it’s just my thing. Another example: I watch more girlie movies. Another example: I eat Java Mocha Chip for dinner. No biggie.

Make a good point about your Mismatch Underwear Theories below OR Singledom theories below – or at my Instagram (link below) and I just may add you to my bog, or mention you in my upcoming Live Broadcasts! 🌸🙌🏻🌸 Bam! -1YOS

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🌸When I'm single, I feel more free. When I breakup with someone – even when I broke up with my parents – my first thought has always been "What can I do now that I haven't been able to do before?" Sure, it shouldn't be that way, but you're dreaming if you think your partner likes everything you do (or likes to do everything that you like to do). We're human – it's simply impossible. And who would want all those similarities, anyway? . So in that vein, I introduce the Mismatch Underwear Theory. It basically is a symbol of freedom. I feel freer to do what I want when I'm single – like wearing mismatched goods. Hey, it's just my thing. Another example: I watch more girlie movies. Another example: I eat Java Mocha Chip for dinner. No biggie. . Make a good point about your Mismatch Underwear Theories below OR Singledom theories below in the comments and I just may add you to my bog, or mention you in my upcoming Live Broadcasts! 🌸🙌🏻🌸 Bam! -1YOS

A post shared by 1 Year Of Single (@1yearofsingle) on

Remember everything, not just the good

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I have an ex who I constantly “feel for,” meaning — I feel bad that he’s “trapped” in a toxic marriage. But he chose that path. He made his decision. He could leave like all the other great dads that I know, but he doesn’t. He chooses to stay. And because of his choice, he’ll not only be stuck with someone who cheated on him, but he’ll be stuck with someone who makes his life — according to him — a living hell. Their relationship is one of the most toxic I’ve ever witnessed, and yet he doesn’t leave. That’s weakness.

If you find yourself starting to fall for the same jerk repeatedly, remember that someone, somewhere is dealing with his true colors. And if he ever breaks with her and gets with you, chances are he’ll most likely treat you the same way.

Cross or Burn?

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The hardest thing in life is to know which bridge to cross and which to burn. Sometimes the one you want to cross is the one you should burn.

Even Rome Fell

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Time moves on. You may have been with someone since your teens, but people change. Lives evolve. Time moves on.

A Marriage. To have or to not have.

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I’m not against marriage. I’m against alcoholics destroying my life. So I left my husband. My mother had much too much influence over me in the past, convincing me to marry an unstable person. And I actually did it! Sadly, once I married him, I finally had her approval. But the price was enormous, so I eventually left him. You can bet your life I’ll make it my own decision next time. Thankfully she’s out of my life now, but I’ll never forget the disturbing lessons she taught me. Toxic people are ever worth keeping, even if they’re a parent.

Live your own life

2015/01/img_1310.jpg If you return to a nutjob because your family wants you to, your friends don’t want anything to change, or your kids are scared, you’re doing it for them, not you. Life your life. They have their own.

Best Advice

2015/01/img_1063.jpg The best way to be happy with someone who doesn’t want you is to move on.

The feeling you get…

2015/01/img_1062.jpg For all of you who are going through hell right now, this one is for you!

Don’t Waste Your Time… More

2015/01/img_1010.jpg No one is perfect, especially when I’ve gone through the hell of dealing with a cheater. So when I finally reach the point when I’m ready to pull the plug, I can’t help but think, “Should I mess with the jerk a little? Inject a little paranoia and guilt? or just cut him loose? While I always toy with scenarios of how to make his life the equivalent hell that he’s so guiltlessly made mine, I haven’t — as of yet — poured the time, nor energy into the revenge scenario. Why? Because the d-bag already stole enough of my time; I’m not gifting him with more!

Be awesome, instead

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We may be laughing, but it actually helps. Lol

Clinging to the past?

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/b3f/52627338/files/2014/12/img_0450.jpg There comes a point in a toxic relationship where you have to choose YOU over the past. Sure you may have “invested time,” but what does that matter if the person you’re now with is no longer who they used to be? It doesn’t matter if they WERE or COULD be who you want them to be. If they’re not NOW, then they’re NOT. You now need to think about why it’s so important to stay with someone who doesn’t appreciate your good qualities.

Positive While it Lasts

IMG_0360.JPG Sometimes posts like this make me want to scream. It’s not always easy to be happy and positive! Like someone posting it will make think, “Oh hey, you’re so right! Let me get on that right now!”

But honestly, when I put in the effort to stop myself from wanting to kick some asses, things actually do get better. And they get better quickly.

So here’s “the thing”: You can be miserable 100% of the time because you think “bad things are going to happen anyway – so why bother,” OR you can HAVE and allow yourself to enjoy glimpses of happiness while you have them until all hell breaks loose.

From what I can see, one of these scenarios offers happiness, and the other doesn’t. Your choice.

Single Lessons Learned

IMG_0267-0.JPG A friend and I were discussing why I was meant to be single. “I really believe I’m meant to be alone right now,” I said.

“Why’s that?” he asked

“I’m clearly not learning some kind of lesson that God needs me to learn,” I mused. “It’s always got to do with a lesson. Ennndddless lessons.” I laughed. But I was still serious. Only at this point in my life I’ve been questioning if someone DID enter my world, would I really want to make room for him?”

Either way, I feel like I’m in a constant state of studying. What makes the universe choose one person to have something and another to not?

I was with some married friends this past weekend, watching them argue brutally most of the day. It was uncomfortable, to say the least. I couldn’t help but think, “Is this the lesson that I’m supposed to learn? That I’m so much stronger and better-off being single?” I breathed a sigh of relief when I returned home. After donning some poofy holiday socks, popping a bottled Root Beer, and lounging with my young son, I realized that if their route was my only other choice, I would indeed want to stay single.

What we need is a signal that confirms our lessons have been learned. Like, “Ding! Ding! Ding! Congratulations! You’ve achieved Level 8: Maintaining Your Self.” Sort of like a video game, when you reach a new level you get more weapons, ammo or more doors open.

“Ding! Ding! Ding! 1YearOfSingle, you’ve just discovered all your crappy romances were to actually help everyone else succeed in love!” Oh lovely. Well at least I know now. 😉 Lol…