The hardest thing in life is to know which bridge to cross and which to burn. Sometimes the one you want to cross is the one you should burn.
Let’s say you live the guy/girl, and it’s been some time and you’re talking again. Have they addressed what happened? If you honestly believed they were at fault, were they capable of saying anything, let alone “I’m sorry”? I dated one guy who lied huge, unmistakable lies. He not only completely disrespected me, but tried to tell me I was harsh to him when I discovered his huge, obscene lie. Balls. It’s possible to move on with someone who makes a mistake, but how do they handle the aftermath?
Check out @aquacat on Instagram for more beautiful images of this kitty 😍
And unfortunately if it’s anger or resentment, then you’ll get more anger and resentment. Do yourself a favor, and when you start thinking about how someone is pissing you off, stop yourself and think of that one thing that makes you happy. Get yourself a Positivity App if you have to.
Sometimes it’s exhausting hearing people say, “You did the right thing.” Because besides not being involved in a toxic, unhealthy relationship, I’m forever alone. And while I love me – and quite honestly can’t think of anyone I’d want to break into my happy little reverie that I’ve got going – sometimes it would be nice to feel rewarded for tough decisions I’ve made with something other than “Your life won’t suck now.” Sometimes that consolation prize just doesn’t cut it.
When It first really hit me that I was going to have to divorce my alcoholic husband, I went into a state of shock. I had put so much faith, hope and trust in him and our future that the realization of divorce hit me like a brick wall. But knowing I couldn’t erase the past or fix an alcoholic, I knew I had reached an important point in my life and one of two choices had to be made: 1.) Act like a victim and take the “woah is me” path that my parents hoped I’d take, living a life of victim, where my son would eventually have a heartbreaking life of similar dysfunction B.) Get the hell out, cut out the toxic people, find happiness and give my son a fighting chance. I chose B. Unfortunately not everyone has the strength to choose B. I still worry about my ex-boyfriend and his children, and how his choice to return to a toxic marriage will ultimately destroy him and his children. I do pray for them. But it’s a choice he made. And anyone who makes a choice like that is not for me.
It’s difficult to remain positive when you’re bombarded. I find myself having to stop myself multiple times a day and refocusing on my “Good Thing.” The Good Thing should be something that instantly makes you happy: a vacation, your kids, etc. It seems silly, but it works well. And it cuts down on the negative thoughts. So first: Choose your Good Thing. Next: Whenever you find yourself thinking about anything that makes you sad or angry, stop yourself, allow the thought to go – even without the answers you seek – and think of your Good Thing. It works. 😉👍
There was a guy I dated that went back to his abusive ex wife for the kids. So instead of making a peaceful loving home for his kids he chose to continue the fighting and aggravation so that he didn’t have to spend money on a divorce. My father did the same thing years ago. After years of struggling to have a relationship with my father I finally cut ties. My ex doesn’t realize-and I’m not about to tell him-that by saving a few dollars he could potentially be losing his children forever. This decision he made is one of those decisions that changed my opinion of our relationship forever. If you can’t save your children I don’t want you. And that’s when I decided to let him go.
Have you ever had that internal conversation with yourself about your significant other, thinking “Why don’t they do this? or, “Why won’t they do that?” Chances are it’s nothing they want to do, it’s only something YOU would do. And that’s where the dilemma comes in. While you should know the things you want in a partner, you also need to realize it’s a list that most likely stems from your own personality traits. Why don’t they do it? Because it’s not in their personality – it’s in yours. And if it’s not in their personality, and you want it, ultimately THEY are not who you want. I was in shock thinking, “How can he NOT want an honest relationship where we work together as partners??” Then I realized – that’s what I want. HE didn’t want that.
Here’s something you may not have even considered: You have the power to save yourself. The strength to save yourself is like an old closet in your home. You may have forgotten it’s there, you may not use it as much as you used to – you may even be afraid to look inside. But when you do, you’ll be thrilled at the strength you forgot you had.
The last two guys were relatively the same: Undercover assholes. Acting like their exes were bad people. But after they drove me crazy for years with their game-playing and lies, I realized their exes were probably made that way. I had sympathy. No – EMPATHY. And as a final straw, neither of these men were divorced, getting a divorce, etc, like they claimed. I want to send flowers to their wives. But on the flip side – THEY ULTIMATELY CHOOSE TO STAY WITH THOSE IDIOTS.
Folks ask me what I’ve learned in a year and it usually comes back to how no guy has impressed me nearly enough to make me keep him around. I usually go back to being happy as a single mom. And the further I go, the more I realize that I’m not sure anyone will ever be worth that changing.
Yes, that’s an eggplant.