Throughout the years I’ve learned a lot in regard to shutting down toxic relationships. Many lessons came at the expense of my hopes and dreams, but it was obvious the relationships were never that strong in the first place, so nothing was truly lost. In the process, I went from being a simpering young girl to a strong woman who’s resigned to sever negative relationship more now than I ever was before. I recognize the advantages.
Despite knowing that ending negative relationships was a good thing, it was always heartbreaking. It was always a disappointment knowing relationships had to come to an end. Knowing a guy wasn’t who I thought he was always broke my heart. And realizing I was no closer to being loved by someone of quality was always a bitter disappointment.
A few brief years ago, I discovered that the guy who I moved in with was cheating on me. So with yet another sigh, I had to move out after only 6 months of living together. I was so tired of this bullshit, of having hope in someone and having them trash it, that the associated heartbreak became minimal. If this is what God wanted – that I had to move out – then so be it. It was becoming clear to me that God wanted me single. I started to really wrap my head around the fact that I may actually be better off, that there may actually be a greater plan for me than just being someone’s girlfriend or wife. And so single. Completely. Permanently. Or at least permanently, for now.
It’s so hard for us to accept that there might be a higher power out there that’s actually trying to give us a better life. We fight against it for so long because we think we know better. For myself, I was able to accept the last breakup much more quickly because I knew my boyfriend may be cheating and I didn’t want a life of feeling that bleak, negative compression that had descended on my son and myself. It was crushing us and we were desperate to get out. And so I made the move. Heartbroken yet again – but I made the move very willingly.
Sometimes God gives us relationships for a reason, and sometimes God takes them away – rather quickly – for other reasons. Of course, it’s easier to figure out why after the disaster has struck and the story has come to a close. Basically, wouldn’t you prefer to break your leg and go to the hospital if it gets you out of a plane crash? We’ve got to think of it like that – a broken leg and a plane crash – it’s really just that simple. The broken leg is the breakup. The plane crash is the disaster of a relationship with your ex. It may hurt, but you’ll heal.
I would venture to say that most people make plans to lose weight or trim-down in the new year. I’ve done so countless times myself. And yet by the time each February rolls around, I’m bored with the calorie counting and repetitive fitness schedule. Another resolution down the drain.
Just recently, my officemates and I had been talking about the Keto Diet (although they have taken advantage of its theory much more than I have). It got me thinking about New Years resolutions and fitness. Should I attempt another fitness-health resolution? So boring, I muse. I shouldn’t have to make a resolution in order to be healthy. I want to do something else.
When I saw this meme I thought, This is brilliant. Of course! This is the entire enchilada wrapped up into one shebang. If you become more active – if you get involved in your own life, including traveling – you’ll most likely lose weight and naturally become more healthy. I’ve done it before. I can do it again. So in essence, a healthy preoccupation with anything other than food – exploring new locations and people – should most likely help me to lose weight and become more healthy. An article by Forbes discusses the same thing, citing multiple benefits and studies on how health is improved when we travel for recreation.
I love that. I believe the mind has to be involved in other things other than food. After all, the more I’m forced to think about dieting, the more I eat. It’s simple Law of Attraction. Add to that how we become stressed when we overeat, and it’s pretty clear to me that traveling can actually outweigh the benefits of dieting alone.
And so I put this to you as well. Make traveling and discovery your new, New Year’s resolution. It’s not exactly tossing aside health – it’s incorporating it. The more you explore and see the world, the healthier you become.
I remember feeling like there was something wrong with me if I didn’t go out every holiday. The truth is, not everyone goes out and parties every holiday. Don’t look at Facebook as an example of what life should be – Facebook tends to only show the best parts of people’s lives. Thinking that every holiday should be like Facebook’s display of holiday gatherings is unrealistic.
Allow yourself to stay home sometimes. Spend time with your family in your own space. Don’t let friends make you feel guilty for getting rest and relaxation – especially if you’re going through a divorce or breakup. We certainly didn’t feel guilty for taking a 2pm nap when we were 16 – why feel guilty now? Yes, you should go out during a divorce/breakup. Yes, you should stay in touch with friends. But stopping to smell the roses is also necessary. And doing so during the holidays is a great way to celebrate your new-fought freedom. You can have just as much fun and relaxation in your own pool, with your own bbq. Go out tomorrow, and let your friends know what a kickass time you had chillin’ by the pool.
Okay, so I’m new at this. But the message is still the same: Just because folks post awesome statuses doesn’t meant their lives are like that 100% of the time. And while we’d love for everyone’s lives to be fabulous all the time, it’s just not possible. So don’t fool yourself into believing you’re the only one in a breakup, the only one with poor health, the only one with unsupportive parents… Consider Facebook the best of society’s social life. And give yourself a break. As a matter of fact, if you’re in a tough time right now, consider staying off Facebook for at least a week.
🌸When I’m single, I feel more free. When I breakup with someone – even when I broke up with my parents – my first thought has always been “What can I do now that I haven’t been able to do before?” Sure, it shouldn’t be that way, but you’re dreaming if you think your partner likes everything you do (or likes to do everything that you like to do). We’re human – it’s simply impossible. And who would want all those similarities, anyway?
So in that vein, I introduce the Mismatch Underwear Theory – or M.U.T.. It basically is a symbol of freedom. I feel freer to do what I want when I’m single – like wearing mismatched goods. Hey, it’s just my thing. Another example: I watch more girlie movies. Another example: I eat Java Mocha Chip for dinner. No biggie.
Make a good point about your Mismatch Underwear Theories below OR Singledom theories below – or at my Instagram (link below) and I just may add you to my bog, or mention you in my upcoming Live Broadcasts! 🌸🙌🏻🌸 Bam! -1YOS