It all works out in the end. If it doesn’t, it’s not the end.

Bitches

There’s a bible out there that I have to tell you all about. An awesome friend of mine, Jen, told me about this book and I have to pass it on to all of you. And when I say, “bible,” I mean an authority on the subject. The subject: being a bitch. The bible: Why Men Love Bitches. Oh, Sherry Argov, I love your book – and I love you. This fits my “1 Year of Single” challenge perfectly!

What makes me sick, however, is that deep down inside I already knew the contents of this book, but like a typical female, I talked myself out of taking care of myself. Now, that’s painful if you consider the numerous years that I wasted 1.) trying to repair failing relationships only to inadvertently screw them up and 2.) I could have gotten so many more things done for myself.

Who knew that if I took care of myself, everything would have fallen in line? My stuck-in-the-’50s mother taught me to give, give, give – give til you’re depleted! Yet, that never worked for her. And now – what’s more ironic – is that it’s 2013 and countless women are still giving, giving, giving and are still getting depleted, depleted, depleted. It makes me want to poke all of our stuck-in-the-’50s mothers in the eyeballs with lemon-loaded fork prongs.

…When I think of the time I wasted that I could have been spending taking care of me! UHG…

It’s almost scary to consider that I can do whatever I want for a whole year. I can say “no thanks” to a guy because I’m off the hook for a year! No guilt, no explanations. I won’t have to explain to my friends why I said “no” to Captain Cutie, because they’ll already know that I swore-off dating for a year. And think about those family get-togethers. No more, “I may know a good guy for you,” who turns out to be a three-time DWI champion who lives in his parent’s moldy basement. No thanks – I’m doing the “1 Year of Single” challenge!

This whole Bitch thing encompasses so many possibilites. It’s quite empowering to realize that I can actually take care of me with no guilt. No guilt! Photography? Check! Margaritas with the girls? Check! Comedy Clubs? Check! Wine bars! Double check!

Men must feel like this all the time. No wonder they don’t want to be in relationships. I feel so free.

But doing what I want isn’t the only thing that being a bitch entails. In the next year I’m going to thoroughly utilize those glorious points in Sherry’s book. And oh yes, you’ll get to hear about it.

Break-Ups

I don’t know one person who hasn’t been dumped like a five pound sack of bloody horse heads into the East River. And generally after you’ve broken up with someone, chances are that you feel like that horse head: discombobulated, disconnected and discarded.

I’ve had the all-out displeasure of having to dump myself from the last two relationships. One was a game player and the other was married. And what’s worse is that had to end the relationships because part of me really wanted to remain in ignorant bliss. But I’ve learned too much in the past years to keep going with any relationship that’s probably going to end badly anyway.

But it doesn’t make it any easier and it certainly doesn’t make me feel like a winner. “But you did win,” said my friend, Joe. “Your prize is not being in a shitty relationship.”

Please. That hardly feels like a prize.

Frankly, I’m sick of “winning” in this format. It’s like winning a car and you discover it’s a Pinto.