Lol OMG >> Okay seriously now. There’s an ancient song from the ’70s that says you shouldn’t change to make the other person happy. This is a screaming red flag. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩Neither person should have to change. We’re talking “the depths of your personalities.” Alcoholism or drug use – yes of course, change all you want. But not who you are as a person. I had an ex who constantly said, I’ll change!” But why? He was being him. Why would I want him to change? It’s like asking a zebra to remove its stripes and put on a horn because I want a unicorn. Forget that. I’ll just go find the unicorn. I let the zebra go.
Here’s a Thanksgiving story that’ll make you want to hug your family:
Years ago I invited my best friend to my family’s Thanksgiving dinner because – for various reasons – the rest of her family was unavailable. After hanging up the phone, my father asked who I had been speaking to. I told him who it was and that because she was alone on Thanksgiving, I invited her to our family’s house.
My father then flipped-out and said, “If you ever invite anyone over for another holiday meal I’ll fucking kill you!”
Shocked, I called her back and uninvited her, telling her I wouldn’t be eating there as well. I left the house and my family of six – none of whom defended me – and went to the movies.
To this day, two of those siblings are still in-deep with my parents. Two of us escaped. Sometimes “the orphanage” is the better option. In the years since leaving both my parents and my similarly-mannered ex-husband, my Thanksgivings have been the most beautiful I have ever imagined.
And I owe it all to me.
If you’ve ever dated someone who has cheated and lied, you may have gone through this. Two boyfriends ago I was dating a guy who claimed had filed divorce paperwork (we were both in the middle of divorces at the time). After we broke-up I decided to call the county where he supposedly filed and asked the woman to confirm. “He said he filed already,” I explained. She put me on hold. After a few minutes she returned, verified neither his name nor his wife’s were in the system, “There’s no paperwork under either of those names.” Embarrassed, I explained that we had already broken-up, but still wanted to look into a few things. She laughed like she’s heard this multiple times before.
Because my ex and I were still in communication at that time, I told him – among other things – that he indeed was NOT divorced, and had never even filed like he said he did multiple times. Instead of feeling guilty, or horrified, he had the audacity to act mad at me for “checking up on him.” Ladies – Men – if you feel like you have to play detective, it’s not a relationship. And if the asshole acts indignant, with no sympathy, empathy, or is a complete asshole, then the breakup may be for for the best.
And quite frankly for me, it pissed me off enough to help me heal.
The last two guys were relatively the same: Undercover assholes. Acting like their exes were bad people. But after they drove me crazy for years with their game-playing and lies, I realized their exes were probably made that way. I had sympathy. No – EMPATHY. And as a final straw, neither of these men were divorced, getting a divorce, etc, like they claimed. I want to send flowers to their wives. But on the flip side – THEY ULTIMATELY CHOOSE TO STAY WITH THOSE IDIOTS.
Ha ha ha… Nah. I wouldn’t want to live through all that again, but I do wonder how my life would have been different if “I knew then what I know now.” There are times when I feel like I just started learning how to date. Yet, mix that with my age and I feel like I’m at the end of the line. Yes – I’m very hard on myself and that includes my age. To 20-somethings, I’m a mom. To 30-somethings, I’m “hot! Oh wait-she’s how old?? To 40-somethings, I’m invisible. To 50-somethings, I’m a fresh petite filet fresh off the gourmet grill. I feel passed-over at every stage of life, but luckily at this point I’m counting on it. I no longer yearn for someone to spend time with doing new things and having new adventures. I stopped scanning rooms and commuter trains for eligible guys. At this point if I do see someone I think, “How can he possibly improve my life?” Ah, now thats what a year has done. So turn back the clock? Maybe to this past Friday during an awesome Halloween with my son, or a few Fridays ago during cocktails with Friends.
No idea what I’m talkin’ about do ya’? Then you don’t know Jay-Z.
I love the sh!t out of the online cards, SomeECards. Don’t be surprised if I bombard my blog with SomeECards (let’s just call them SEC). So what is SEC? If you’re having a sh!tty day and need a good laugh full of irony and sometimes vengeful wit, check out their site. You’ll be snorting across your keyboard in no time. And yeah, you can also make your own. Imagine what would have happened if Taylor Swift or even Eminem got a hold of SEC before their first albums came out.