I’m a living example of what people can go through and survive

Years ago my husband and I were seeing a marriage counselor. After one particularly grueling session, my husband stormed out and left the therapist and me to finish the hour alone.  When the session ended and I started to make my way to the door, she stopped me. “I don’t usually do this,” she said, “but in your case I’m making an exception: I don’t think you are safe living with him and I suggest you get out as soon as you can.”

I already knew that. Although he wasn’t an avid jail-attendee, my husband was criminally-savvy enough to not put his hands on me, but typically chest-bumped or threw household items instead. Several times I would shield myself with a laptop while running out the front door of our apartment.

At one point, his own friend said, ”You know he’s an alcoholic, right?”

BitmojiI planned and executed the escape with the help of my closest friends, both packing and moving possessions in what I called an “a’ la Sleeping With the Enemy style,” – and later, the ultimate result was nicknamed “The Evacuation.”

”You’re the strongest person I know,” a friend said.

”Therapy,” I replied, ”And I’ll be damned before I let an abusive alcoholic who can’t even control his own life to turn my baby and me into a stereotypical cinematic drama. I refuse to lay down and play victim!”

I did it with friends. Not one family member helped. I was in shock. Depressed. Saddened. Angry. And scared. But I did it. And I’m glad I did. And I would – without hesitation – do it again.

Don’t let anyone control your life to the point where you’re in fear every day. If I can do it, so can you.

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Be awesome, instead

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We may be laughing, but it actually helps. Lol

5 Reasons Why I Stopped Writing Purely Negative Posts

The Law of Attraction states that what you think about (repeatedly, with emotion) you bring about. Which basically means that what you’ve been motivated to concentrate on is the thing that will manifest in your life. So if you’re horrified about all your debt and frantically want to reduce your debt, you’ll end up getting more debt. Why? Because “debt” is on your mind 24/7. As they said in the movie “The Secret,” if you want to get out of debt, put your bills on auto pay and concentrate on prosperity. 

The same is true for everything else in your life, including dating. Using the Law of Attraction, if you constantly think, “There are no available good men/women in the world,” the universe – acting like the wish-granting genie from the lantern – will grant you that wish: “No available good men/women.” After all, your wish is its command. The uniserse doesn’t translate and wish-grant your passive-aggressive challenge – it sticks to the literal.

Knowing this and the affect it’s had on my life, I’ve most recently avoided both reading and writing negative posts. It’s one thing if the post is helpful, but it’s quite another if the entire site is a swirling, self-indulgent, pity sucking vortex. If there’s no helpful meaning to the post and I feel an ominous gray cloud gathering, I pass. In the same vein, I’ve started rethinking, repurposing and rewriting my blog posts.

Here are a few reasons why:

1.) Representation
“I’m so tired of drama!” I’d be surprised if any one of you have never heard or felt that sentiment. And yet here we are, rolling around in it like we’ve been dipped in flour batter and are about to be fried. If we dislike negativity so much and are so adverse to it, then why spend so much time on it? (Same can be true when spending time with spouses we despise, but thats another post.)

A continual string of negative, self-indulgent pity posts makes me look bad. It casts a gray, cranky cloud over my sparkling, golden reputatuon and makes me look like “that girl who’s always complaining,” which is not a good representation of who I really am, nor who I want to be. It doesn’t matter that this site is just a condensed view of my and other daters’ lives. If there are no helpful twists, it’s just a pity party. And who really wants to attend a party without a twist?

2.) Like Attracts Like: Positive to Positive. Negative to Negative.
Ever notice when you’re in a bad mood, all the badasses slap you on the back and cheer you on? It’s like all the negative folks are investing in your bad mood in order to fulfill the “misery likes company” theory. If you want to be happy, why spend so much time investing in your crappy mood? If you want to be happy you have to man-up; cut loose the bad attitude and accept happiness. 

Within the last year I’ve been making a conscious effort to stay away from negative people, but in order to do that I’ve had to literally walk away from some folks. Now, knowing what I have to do to stay happy, I can’t even stomach hearing or being around negative people, and that has steered me in the direction of offering positive posts instead of negative posts.

3.) It Sounds Like Endless Whining
Writing a string of endless negative posts is exhausting, and quite frankly I think to myself, “I could be pouring this much attention into a solution.” Many of us at some point have had someone shout, “If you don’t like it, do something about it!” So while posting a negative kickoff statement may be helpful to set the stage, it’s rarely helpful if it becomes the entire play. Recently, instead of an entire post, I’ve chosen to dedicate some space to solutions to what are turning out to be popular dating issues. 

4.) It’s Not Helping Anyone
So yes, blathering on about misfortune doesnt help anyone. It’s like putting on a one-man play about myself. I’d rather offer my experiences with a few insights in hopes that other folks can avoid the same heartaches. 

5.) It’s Not Unique
Everbody falls victim to a DoucheLord or Lady at one point or another. It’s just life. That factoid makes my self-indulgent blathering even more obsolete. I may not be a therapist, but I lived and I’m hoping my unique personal background and experiences could help a few of you. 

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A Perfect Example Of Positive Thinking & Envisioning

The other day my son and I went to the youth Association to register him for summer camp. I explained to the woman that my son would not be in for some time during the summer because I had scheduled a vacation to Disneyland in Florida.

This woman is absolutely fabulous, and I loved her enthusiasm as she spoke about Disney and everything it meant to her. I told her the trip was the best thing for me to focus on after just breaking up with someone. She agreed.

“You know after I broke up with my husband,” she revealed, “I used to walk around the house for months with a tiara on my head.” I was slightly taken back by her admission. She seemed like a very stable lady, very fun and outgoing but it shocked me as well because it seemed a little wackadoo. But she explained,

“My ex-husband just wasn’t treating me right,” she said. “We weren’t getting along and I just thought to myself, ‘I deserve to be treated like a princess; I deserve to have someone treat me like a princess and if nobody can do that I will do it myself.'”

At this point we both giggled because honestly, she wore the tiara at home – it’s not like she’s going out to the grocery store with this tiara on her head while jabbering to herself on the sidewalk. The woman is quite sane. And very witty, if you ask me.

 

We continued talking, and she told me about her new husband. “He treats me so well,” she beamed. “He treats me like a princess.”

At that point I think my jaw fell through the floor. “Do you know what this means?” I said, “Have you ever read The Secret?” She admitted she did not, so I explained to her that The Secret is all about the law of attraction, positive thinking, and envisioning your future. “By wearing the tiara on your head,” I explained, “You were envisioning yourself as a princess, and it [the envisioning herself as a princess and living it wholeheartedly] pulled your husband into your life, your current husband who now treat you like a princess.”

The shock on her face was priceless and I think her jaw hung open for a second. She had not even thought about that, she told me.

“Well now you know what I do? “She continued, “whenever I run into someone who needs a pick-me-up, I send them a tiara and I tell them to release their inner princess.”

By the time I left the youth Association I had wholeheartedly decided that I’m going to buy myself a tiara. Like this fabulous lady, I deserve to be treated like a princess.

Do yourself a favor and take a look at your world and see what has popped up for you in a similar manner. What The Secret says is that anything you think about comes into your world. So even if you think badly, or that you don’t want something, that’s what’s going to pop into your world. So don’t think about the guy that just screwed you over or the girl who lied to you. Think about what you do want. Bring out your inner princess – or prince – and focus on what you do want. And oh yeah – get yourself a tiara!