Breakups · Bucket List · Cheaters · Dating · Dating Tips · Dysfunctional · Life · OMG WTF? (Aka: Crazy Discoveries) · Red Flags · Relationships

Meet the face of a fake online dating profile! I discovered this fake Match.com profile after I was supposed to meet the guy. This really shouldn’t be a shock, but since I was supposed to meet the guy, I’m slightly freaked out – for all I know he could have been a serial rapist. How did I discover it was a fake profile? I was Googling facial expressions when the guys profile photo turned up in the search results!  

A veteran online-dater friend of mine, Jessica, said, “Oh yeah — as soon as you see a professional photo you’ll know it’s a fake profile.” Not a bad theory, but I’m a photographer — I’ve photographed guys for online dating sites. So I’m prone to think if the guy has attention to detail, he’s potentially going to get a real photo taken of himself, no?

How do you weed out the wackos? And what was the guy’s real intention? And who the hell was it, really? And why must everyone lie? This guy’s fake profile just set-me-off thinking about the guy I just broke from, and the gigantic, heart crushing lie that he told. Do you see the can of worms it opened?

I’ve reset the 1 Year Of Single date twice now, but it looks like three’s a charm! I think part of me was still hoping for some kind of divine intervention, where a higher power bestowed a great-partner reward on me even though I shouldn’t have been looking in the first place. And yet part of me can’t help but realize that between my fabulous little son and myself, we don’t really need anyone else.

In any case, what do you do if you discover someone has been lying? I would think it depends on the severity of the lie. Someone who tells you that you look good when you’ve clearly gone overboard in the Tostitos department shouldn’t be sliced from your life. But if you’re like me and you’ve been told a whopping lie so shocking that it sets you sputtering for an hour, these are just a few of my suggestions:

Completely Cut It Off
This is much easier said than done, especially when you’ve been blindsided after finally believing that you may have a future with the fool. But my suggestion is to cut off everything about them immediately. This includes:

  • No calls
  • No Emails
  • No “friendly reminders”
  • No fulfilling “Well, we always used to…” routines
  • No attending bars, gyms or clubs that they go to
  • No chit-chatting with their friends or family
  • Remove them from every friend list on every site you know
  • Change their cell name to “Do Not Answer” or change their name to describe their lie “Do Not Answer – Lied About Divorce.”
  • Remove all reminders of them from every calendar you have so it doesn’t pop up when you least expect it

Remake Your Fun Wish List
I’ve been slacking on this more than I thought I’d be. I have yet to climb a rock wall or even make a goal list. So far the most I’ve done is complete a Match.com profile. Bad. Bad girl.

The meatier tactics you could take are:

Change Departments or Jobs
After Halle Berry told-off Eddie Murphy in Boomerang, she got herself a new job. Consider it. Chances are if you’ve accepted behavior like this from a lover, you’re probably allowing it at work from co-workers or bosses as well. You deserve more.

Change Your Cell Number
I always found this one shocking, and it feels very mean – but if you can do it, you’re golden. If they ever try to contact you again it sends a clear message that you won’t tolerate their sh!t. Uhm… No, I haven’t… But I’m working on it.

Whatever you do, do NOT – I repeat, do NOT:

Do Not Stalk Them
So they left you for a whore or a man-slut. If they can’t see how fabulous you are, they can’t be too bright now, can they? The last thing you want to do is provide fodder for the fool to feel justified. Hold back the crazy and refocus on yourself.

Do Not Stalk Their New Partner
Ew. Why would you want to, anyway? Again – if they’re not bright enough to choose you, why bother? It’s like standing at the meat counter in the grocery store and yelling at the folks who choose chuck over sirloin. Seriously – if you have to explain it, you’re better off without them.

The last few weeks for me have been a wide slap in the face, considering I gave the same person a repeated chance, then ran into someone else’s fake dating profile. Oh we’re all fools for love, don’t pretend otherwise. It’s the few of us that are able to bend our energies into refocusing on what we want, instead of what we don’t want, that make it through the wreckage.

— 1YOS

Breakups · Cheaters · Dating · Dating Tips · Follow Me! · Life · OMG WTF? (Aka: Crazy Discoveries) · Red Flags

In The Wake Of A Maddening Silence

When I discover that someone has been lying, their complete silence stuns me more than the lies themselves. What’s left in their wake is an onslought of questions while the liar sails away Scott free. 

I don’t understand that mindset. Isn’t there any conscience at all? How does he not think, “Wow, I really destroyed her. She’s really upset. I feel really bad.” Is he going to sit there and convince himself that he never lied to me? How do people do that? How do they allow themselves to think that way?

What kind of person does that?

And after everything he told me about his ex, he’s going back?

Within seconds after thinking the questions above, I realized he could have lied to me about everything – not just the one major point that I discovered. I have no idea what the truth is now and because he doesn’t care enough to actually tell me, I’ll never know. Those revelations threw me into a new phase of shock, and my head spun so much that I forced myself to refocus on something else. Something positive.

It annoys me that the first thing I think of when I get up in the morning is this. I don’t deserve this and he knows that. I’m constantly refocusing all day from negative to positive. Thank God it’s working.

Anyone whose lies are so grand that you have to break up with them isn’t worth the time it takes to figure out why they lied in the first place. Add to that the most disrespectful type of silence there is and you’ve got a guilt-free excuse to cut them out of your life forever and move on immediately.

I used to be shocked at the crazy things some women did after breakups. Hell, I thought his wife was crazy. But after his disrespectful onsloght of silence from him, I understand now. I understand why some women go batsh!t crazy. 

All I can think now is that they can have each other. Theyre both insane. What I’d like to do now, though, is stay positive. I think helping others survive breakups by focusing on the future and staying positive is essential to any recovery, and certainly helps regain footing in the wake of the maddening silence.

Being Single · Bitches · Bitches I Love · Breakups · Cheaters · Dating · Dysfunctional · Life · Red Flags · Relationships

Why I love gay men

I’m having an issue with a man in my life. He’s pulling some serious retro high school lies on me and besides validating my decision to remove him from my life, it’s reminding me why I love gay men.

Thats right. I said it. I love gay men.

Putting aside the fact that I can’t boink my gay male friends, I love them for one major reason: They dont lie.

“Honey, what are you wearing, it looks like you blended up five donuts and smeared them on your thighs.”

A gay man won’t let you walk out of the house without looking your best. If you look good, you’ll know it. If you look like poo you’ll know that as well, but at least you’ll know it before the whole world does.

“Honey, he is a straight up hoe. Ditch him.”

A gay man won’t beat around the bush (okay sure – pun intended). If the man you’re seeing is a lying man-whore, your friend will spot that sh!t with the fine-tuned radar thats installed in his perfectly manicured head, and he’ll tell you.

I could have used my friend, James, the last year or two. With the dramatic loss of a two-year boyfriend as well as the devastating disconnection from my dysfunctional parents, I’ve stooped as low as accepting scraps of affection from a guy who’s in the throws of his own drama. It wasn’t a good thing for me to be involved in, and I could have used some serious gay-dar, even if it had nothing to do with sorting sexual preferences.

Sure, you can try to make me feel better by saying the last year was just something that God wanted me to go through. But I’m not sure that actually makes me feel better. Quite honestly I’m in shock over the latest split. Im incredibly disappointed and saddened. Had my friend, James, been around, he’d say, “It’s about time, cause Honey, – you’re worth so much more than that.”

Now THAT I believe. And quite honestly I think the man in my life knew it too.

Bitches · Breakups · Cheaters · Dating · Dysfunctional · Quotes · SomeECards

SomeECards: That’s some funny sh!t

I love the sh!t out of the online cards, SomeECards. Don’t be surprised if I bombard my blog with SomeECards (let’s just call them SEC). So what is SEC? If you’re having a sh!tty day and need a good laugh full of irony and sometimes vengeful wit, check out their site. You’ll be snorting across your keyboard in no time. And yeah, you can also make your own. Imagine what would have happened if Taylor Swift or even Eminem got a hold of SEC before their first albums came out.

SomeECards

Being Single · Cheaters · Dating · Dysfunctional · Life · Relationships

We are an imperfect world

I’m sitting in the diner with my son and I’m realizing that everybody in the world is just putting up with each other. We’re all broken, abused and imperfect in some way or another, its just how much we want to accept in others – that’s the problem.

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Being Single · Bitches · Breakups · Cheaters · Dating Tips · Dysfunctional · Quotes · Relationships

If you’re thinking about him all the time, you’re not thinking of you at all.

Being Single · Breakups · Cheaters · Dating Tips · Dysfunctional · OMG WTF? (Aka: Crazy Discoveries) · Quotes · Relationships

We feel the most miserable when we feel the least in control

Being Single · Bitches · Breakups · Cheaters · Dating Tips · Dysfunctional · Quotes · Relationships

IF IT SUDDENLY FEELS LIKE HE’S PLAYING GAMES, HE IS

These things don’t pop into our heads for no reason. It’s called, “Intuition.” Listen to it.
Boys – I’m talking to you too. If it seems like she’s playing games, she probably is.
If a relationship is causing you stress, it’s not the relationship for you.

Being Single · Bitches · Breakups · Cheaters · Dating Tips · Quotes · Relationships

DO NOT INVEST IN SOMEONE WHO ISN’T WILLING TO INVEST IN YOU

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Cheaters · Quotes · Relationships

Quote

“It’s easier to keep the egg from breaking than to repair a broken shell.” – 1 Year of Single